|
Recently I had an experience that has left me shaking my head. This one I have to share with you. It's times like this I wish I could get some feedback from the readers. I have the feeling if I could hear what you have to say I would be surprised by the response. I will lay out the scenario and let you come to your own conclusion on this one.
My brother (one of five) Christopher, his girlfriend, Lisa and their seven week old babe, Marie live across the street from me. They moved in just before the baby was due. We all seem to enjoy this arrangement. I enjoy the baby very much. I proudly announce to any and all that will listen, I am her spiritual advisor and mentor. We all enjoy each other's company very much. Spending lots of hours visiting back and forth. It's a nice arrangement.
Having spent so much time together. And knowing my brother as well as I do, I have had the opportunity to watch Christopher, as he has been caring for his new daughter and Lisa. He is a very giving loving father who seems to have good common sense when it comes to life. Lisa is a wonderful gentle soul whom I love very dearly. She will be a warm, loving and patient Mother. Baby Marie is a very lucky child.
Three weeks ago poor Lisa had an acute bout of appendicitis. We rushed her into the hospital and she had surgery right away. Leaving me with Marie while Dad was at the hospital with Mom. We had a great time. Well I did anyhow. Marie is too little to voice her opinion, one way or the other. But I always love having a baby around so it was fun for me.
Late that night Christopher came home to my house and had some dinner. I was in my den writing. When I looked out, I could see him sleeping on the couch with the baby on his chest, he was exhausted. A little while later he bundled up the baby and went home. Muttering something about the baby needing her bath. I told him he knew where I was if he needed me and said goodnight.
Lisa came home in a few days and we carried on. It had been hard on her to be away from the baby and now she wasn't allowed to do much. She was impatient to heal so she could mother Marie like she wanted to.
Two days ago Christopher came running across the street. The look on his face told me it was an emergency. I asked if it was the baby as we ran back to his place, fearing SIDS. He said, "No, it was Lisa she was hemorrhaging." My heart was in my throat as I dialed 911 on my cell. Marie is seven weeks old now. She needed her Mommy. All kinds of scary thoughts were running through my head.
When I ran in the front door Lisa was barely able to talk. She looked like she was going into shock. When I touched her forehead she was burning up and then I noticed the odor. As soon as the odor registered in my mind, I knew she had an infection. Her staples had been removed the day before so how could it be infected? I didn't have time to wonder about that as I explained to the paramedics what had happened.
Her incision was open and bleeding, Christopher said he had checked her the night before and it had looked healthy. But Lisa had been feeling ill that morning and when she had tried to walk it was as if her wound had exploded. The infection and blood had created the odor I was picking up. The poor thing had a fever of a 103f. She was in agony and we were lucky to have gotten her help when we did. She is still in the hospital. It will take a few days for her to come home again. But I am grateful it wasn't any worse. Marie will have Mommy home again soon.
What has me confused is the response I have received from different people about this situation. I have heard the usual comments. Oh no the poor thing and oh what a crying shame, (you know), the usual. However I have heard once too often "Oh my God your going to be busy aren't you?" Now why the heck do people think I'm the one who's going to so damn busy, I wonder? Every time I was asked I gave the same reply. "Marie has a Daddy. He can take care of he just fine." With each answer I saw looks of total amazement or horror on peoples faces.
This really bothers me. What in God's name did they think Christopher would do? Drop Marie at my house and let her stay there until Mommy came home? I don't think so. My brother makes my Mother proud. She has been gone for a long time but I feel her shine every time one of us does the right thing. My Mother has reason to be proud. She gave seven very, kind, considerate and independent souls to this world. I have no doubt we will send out many such souls from our broods. That is the way we were raised.
Now I am going to come to the main reason for me to be writing this. I can't believe that people of my generation (I am forty-six) still believe a man can't take care of a baby! I had not a shadow of a doubt that my brother can care for his daughter. I knew he would take her home, bath her, feed her and give her all the love she needs.
If you don't think Daddy can care of the little ones for a day or two, then something is very wrong. You should have total confidence in your mate's abilities. If the confidence isn't there then you should really be wondering why not.
This is where I am about to become very opinionated. I don't think there's any excuse for any man to not be able to care for his children. Yet the looks and comments I received told me that this is still to some degree the way things are. I am still in shock.
I was running around meeting all kinds of people. Thinking that every able bodied man I have met would never have a problem taking care of his children. You can imagine my dismay when I found out other wise.
Why are things still this way? I really want to know. I believe that when woman's liberation came stomping along (yes I said stomping, remember this is my personal opinion) they neglected a few things. Like helping the men of the population understand that we were going to be expecting a lot more from them. That would be a start.
Once we allow the men to understand this then maybe we could fill them in on how to meet the challenge. I mean for crying out loud, why are we keeping these things a big secret? We bitch and complain over what our men don't do for us. Why aren't we simply letting them know what we expect? And showing them how to do it.
Wouldn't it only make sense that it is about time we all took our neutral corners and realized that we have to share? Share info share expectations, share it all. The time for power struggles has long gone. The power struggle is, I believe, the reason so many of us will bitch and complain but never do something about it. We all want to have the power. The very thought of giving up info or teaching someone how to do something as good as we do, is out of the question. For some the very idea is insane.
This is where my attitude towards women's lib. Comes out. It is my personal belief that women's liberation came stomping along bound to change things. The movement wanted equal rights for women. They just forgot a couple of things.
We all need equal rights. All of humanity needs equal pay for equal work. We have to stop discrimination against any of our species. This is the only way to put the scale of justice on a better balance. It will never balance all the way. But equal rights for all would help a lot.
What about equal rights in the home? My Mother taught all of her children to be fair and as equal as you can to your mate. She also taught us to expect the same in return. I started my relationship with my mate expecting to be treated as fairly as he expects me to be.
Whenever there is a chore that needs to be done one of us will see to it. It is very common to see my mate's six foot six inch frame bent over a sink doing dishes. He empties the dishwasher, takes out the trash, changes the littler and he's a good cook too. No I am not living a fantasy this is real. I do all those things I mentioned too. I cut grass and clean eaves out also.
This isn't as I said a fantasy. My life is exactly what I want. Things aren't always rosy but I am not a slave to chores and children. I enjoy what I do around my home. It isn't very often I feel taken for granted. When I do I usually only have to mention it once and things are adjusted.
To me this is the way things must be. I have always been very open about my feelings on sharing life chores. And I believe that because I lay out my expectations early in the relationship I am rarely disappointed.
Any of the things my mate didn't know I taught him. He didn't need to learn much. He has a good head on his shoulders and he is independent too. The product of a woman like my Mother, he was taught by his Mom to be able to care for himself and others if needed.
The thumb to rule around our home is 'If you see something that needs to be done, just do it.' Leaving it for someone else to do it just doesn't cut it around here. It is seen as almost a point of honor to hold up your own end when it comes to my family. I am always proud of them.
I didn't just get lucky when it came to my mate. We had the chance to get to know each other very well before we set up house. I let my feelings and beliefs known when it came to our home. I don't demand and I'm not a tyrant. I will never expect more from my crew than I am willing to put in. We respect each individual's needs and abilities. So far this works for us.
It is my opinion this is where a lot of the gender confusion is coming from now. I say yeah for equal rights. As I said for the whole world. Women's Liberation left a few small gaps in their program. The ideas are great ones but you don't have to get tough to get your point across. And why in the world didn't we or don't we take the time to let the guys in on our expectations. The whole story, not just the 'I want' part. The " I need part and how can they learn to work with us' part too.
Women should be able to rest assured that if need be, Daddy will take care of things. I mean all things. The stuff that really makes the world go round. The cleaning, the meetings, the boy scouts, and heaven help us the dirty diapers too. Men are capable and very creative when given a chance to shine. I have learnt a few of my favorite time saving ideas from men!
So the next time I have to answer the question, I will say once again. "My brother is a good man, my brother is a fair man and because my Mother raised us I can say. " If you're really want to know the truth. In my opinion when it comes to handling life day by day, give the guys
a break ladies. If they don't know how to work with you, teach them. But above all things let them know that you too think, the answer is "YES DADDY
CAN."
(This is for Bunny!)
©2002 StoriesByEmail.com
|
