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Recently, when it was pointed out to me by a mirror that I had fallen into a rut I decided to expand my horizons and branch out into the exciting field of advertising. With strains of "A Good Ad Man is Hard to Find" romping through my head, I leapt to the door and screamed, "Lets the Puns Begin."
Cigarettes have always featured delightful vistas and beautiful people doing fun things. After a very few hours of contemplation (well, maybe there was one nap in there) I came up with the following:
BuckO Filters - A Taste Worth Dying For
Perfect! It certainly points out how good they are. How could anybody in their right mind resist purchasing a pack? I made a note to find out what state Madison Avenue was in.
What next? I could hardly wait to re-channel my powers of seduction. Motorcycles. Yes, I have had a lot of experience in this area. Of course, most of my experience has been with old American Harleys and Indians, but so what? They all have two wheels, don't they?
Some of the new Japanese motorcycles are so fast that it's hard to imagine. While their names are warrior-like people tend to call them rice burners and crotch rockets. But the ultimate, the term to draw the street racers like flies:
Crotch Coffin
Prediction: the owner of the so-named machine will be surrounded by adoring teenage girls waiting to hear his last words.
Another prediction - Enron could get back on top if it used some of the slogans from my desk.
24 Hours Without a Subpoena and
If You're Guilt Free You Are Not Alive
A sprinkling of such ads would soon have investors elbowing each other to get back in on the action. Those with any money left to invest, that is.
Some of my slogans are so good they may need a new product to go with them. How about something for the exercise buffs? You see them all over, joggers, walkers, doggers, floggers; all working hard in search of a goal only they can see. There are magazines devoted to such issues. Take the one on walking, for instance. Putting one foot in front of the other. I certainly can't wait to read about that.
The footwear market has been the beneficiary of this trend, and here is where I announce my:
Feet on Fire
Yes, feet that are so fast that they may indeed give off sparks. To assure this, my Feet on Fire sneakers would have tiny butane lighters for each foot. Every time the foot comes down it gets a blast of flame. Wouldn't that make a runners go into a sprint? With this equipment, marathon wins are a cinch.
And after the race, what better than a hot meal? As beef is the most popular meat in the US, here are two more of my better ones:
Beef - It Grows on You
and
Beef - It Gets in Your Heart
In case any ranchers want to get in touch to use the above slogans; feel free to use them. As for me, I'm going out for a run.
"Ouch, these shoes are hot!"
©2002 StoriesByEmail.com
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