Hidden Halos a serial by Kimberly Carson

Two sisters return home at their mother's request only to find that their parents have mysteriously disappeared. When their parents finally reappear, they tell a story from long ago that threatens to change everything the two sisters thought they knew about their parents, themselves, and their maker.

Long ago, perhaps before time - For a man his size, he imbues with authority every space he graces. Not much over five feet tall, rather portly and balding, thick, horn rimmed glasses unable to hide luminous blue eyes that cast an omnipotent glow onto whomever they focus, Max slowly approaches the group. The makeshift auditorium is filled with about forty people who rise as he enters, and his faltering steps cause Jesse to frown with concern and wonder if this is getting to be too much for the old man.

You Are Not Who You Think You Are - Jesse was awakened out of bed before dawn by the sound of Kali bouncing down the hallway, trying furtively not to step on the floor, and as she skipped toward her, it hit: earthquake. It was quite a shaker, and Jesse reminded herself to breathe while she waited it out, pretending to ignore the prediction that it might be the Big One.

Okay, okay! - The morning of Jesse's departure, she opted for a taxi to the airport at the last minute to minimize the stress she was feeling. Julia had called early to confirm their plans for the fifteenth weary time and perform the unavoidable process of repeated rehearsals and synchronizing to the micro-minute. 

God does not care that I pray - The cab ride to Burbank airport wouldn't be long, and Jesse felt like making small talk with the driver.

Do Only One Thing - In a fear-based belief system, surrender sounds powerless. In the world of appearances, it has meant to give up to the enemy. It's ironic that in truth it means the absolute opposite. We give up control to the highest, most powerful, most infinitely loving, omniscient presence. Count me in, and give me a white flag, Jesse thought. Surrender is not powerless; humility is not passive; and obedience is not mindless.

the brave talk - At the airport, the sisters exchanged a rather bristly embrace, using the frosty cold evening air as an excuse to limit the formalities and be on their way to their folks. Their conversation revolved around Julia speculating about the nature of this command visit, with Jesse not seeing much value in the exercise, but wanting to keep the mood calm.

time is right for us - The private residence consisted of a huge master bedroom and a fairly large den divided by a bathroom. They looked around the den, and everything looked in order, neat and 'felt,' to Jesse, recently used. When Jesse told this to Julia, she rolled her eyes.

Wings - Their mom's voice continued in the background of Jesse's mind, now exploding with flashes of words. What did she just say? She said it like she was telling us about a new puppy. This was not a topic that ever crossed her mother's lips, or anyone's in the family for that matter. Jesse was the earth muffin, the ‘sensitive' one, the seeker, but even angels were a bit out of her league.

the memory of her childhood - Jesse didn't know what she wanted to think about first. She wished there were someone she could talk with about this angel business, but didn't know who. She scanned the circle of people in her life, and no one seemed to fit. Jesse tried to imagine finding out that you're adopted or from a certain ethnic group, and how this might cause a shift in your being, but nothing had really prepared her for this. No, everything had prepared her for this; that had to be the truth.

Jessica, it's me - Jesse was dreaming of bells and couldn't get them to stop ringing.  She gradually came out of her sleep enough to hear the doorbell ringing downstairs.  It was the middle of the night, who on earth could it be?  She went to the window and saw tire tracks in the snow leading to a car she did not recognize on the far end of the lot.

Pack Wood, Feed Stoves - Eager for answers and acting like a child on Christmas morning, all the rules vanished, and she went in her mom's room. She was gone. The bed was untouched, and the room showed no visible sign that her mom had been there. She went into the den to look outside the window for her car.

Her freedom - There are a few memories in storage where the sensory experience is as vivid today as it was while it was first occurring. One of these is the first time she had sex. Another is the first time her mind was completely quiet for several continuous moments. The silence. She had to confess that she wasn't entirely sure which was more of a thrill. The memory made her smile and feel warm inside, as she prepared to face Julia.

I'm not going to argue - Needing a walk to clear her head, Jesse bundled up and trampled out through the snow, down the hill and off toward the campground. It looked like a postcard with the fresh snow resting on tree branches and the smooth, untouched surface of the ground blanketed in white.

analyzing egos - Jesse phoned her friend Melanie late in the evening to tell her the news about moving and give her the flight info so she could meet her plane. She didn't mention the angelship, but wasn't exactly sure why.

Prayer treatment - Jesse looked out the window at the morning sky that was still dark, but clear, hoping for calm weather in the sister department, too, but knew reality was setting in for both of them. Waking up at five-thirty to catch a plane; to get home; start packing and leave her beloved life to form an indefinite alliance with Julia, was a cold splash of a surreal reality. Jesse was feeling withdrawn as they drove to the airport, and their discussion immediately began with Julia directing Jesse's itinerary for the move.

Go to that light - Leaving the pseudo-security of a life she identified herself by was the proverbial mixed blessing. If it's only my egoic perceptions that cause me to feel a sense of security, then I welcome the challenge. I must be ready for this or it would not be happening. I just don't feel ready.

never roast duck - Jesse soon learned what all country dwellers learn: winter is easier to manage than spring. Snow is clean, white and melts without a trace. Rain continued relentlessly on and off for several weeks, and with the exception of the endless trails of mud in the house, Jesse loved it.

Build it out of brick - What an intriguing remark! Jesse could not wait to see the guests off on their way as her curiosity grew by the minute. Eager to hear about the inn, when the last guest left, Jesse crossed the road and walked up the driveway to the round house. 

Love my judgment - She knew there was something about that place, and even though there were no details, this bit of history made her feel more connected to the place. It's a living, breathing, caring entity that seems to respond to whoever is present. It's the kind of place you never want to leave. Its esthetic quality seemed to absorb the human sensations into the walls, and echo them back through some ethereal force.

Two By Two - Julia called late Tuesday night to say they would be there the next afternoon. She sounded tense; complaining that she'd been up all night for two weeks packing boxes. Her irritable, cranky mood felt like an omen to Jesse, and she tried every prayer she knew trying to find a peaceful path in her thinking.

Why do I do this? - Jesse woke up early and took an extra long walk and run, and got back early enough to start making Julia's favorite breakfast: fried potatoes smothered in melted cheese. Julia came in a while later and put on some bacon, and they chatted comfortably as they went about their tasks. Julia seemed more perky, but now it was Jesse who was feeling guarded and reserved.

beingness - Over the next few weeks, a tempo developed between the merry maids whose song was somber and dance sullen. Friday through Monday, the two sisters put on a hospitable show, but as soon as the last guest left they retreated to their respective corners. Jesse let her light shine until Julia came into a room and lit things more brightly, so Jesse let hers quietly go out, unnoticed. The house wept.

Sorry, I can't help you - On her next trip to town, Jesse decided to stop by the Indian camp again to see if Levi was there. She saw a man down by the river as she pulled up and walked over to where he sat.

Who am I still because of it? - Oh, God, I don't want to go here; this ancient wound is as agonizing today as it was sixteen years ago, she noticed. I wonder if I would have done it differently had I known this. Some decisions change us forever in ways we cannot predict, and because of them we can't change back. And some experiences are indelibly engraved into our soul and even forgiveness cannot undo their mark. Jesse knew in her mind this could not be true, but nothing had ever been able to convince her heart.

Loving What Is - The clock said two a.m., but Jesse felt wide awake, though far from bushy tailed. Perhaps a cup of tea will soothe me, she thought. Everything in the house looked different somehow; the way a place can look when you've been gone a long time and your perspective has changed so much that reality shifts, like the Matterhorn at Disneyland. The walls seemed to embrace her and cuddle her as she made her way to the kitchen, and it wasn't until she poured her tea that she realized she hadn't turned on any lights. She went outside to sit on the porch, enjoying the dark stillness, but it was only a matter of moments before she let intrusive thoughts descend upon her.

a phantasmagorical display - Focusing once again on the radiating waves of warmth as they played around her, she lifted her arms, waved her hands in front of her, felt this substance move with her as she moved. She played this way for a few minutes, keeping her eyes closed, and imagined herself a young child chasing a butterfly in a warm, open, grassy field. Squealing with delight, she could draw a burst of this energy in toward her body when she made a hugging motion, and throwing her arms outward the substance sprayed out from her.

Hmmffggth - The bells jingled their happy welcome one afternoon while Jesse was in the kitchen preparing the evening's dessert, and Julia arrived in the foyer in time to see the backs of their parents heading out the door.

On that cold, hard asphalt - He remembered in a flash all the outlandish stunts he pulled trying to impress her, and make her think him grand, a cut above her other suitors. There was no good reason for her to want him. That desire was his driving force for more years than even he could count, but now, for the first time, he realized that he didn't want to be a hero after all. He wanted to be accepted for who he was, flaws, imperfections and a few measly triumphs. If their opinion of him rested on the events of one day in his life, than changing their opinion was meaningless. Mercy has to be free or it's not mercy, but pity.

The Truth Shall Set Us Free - The others all exchanged glances and shrugged shoulders. Who's Chloe? Conrad mouthed to his sisters. They both shook their heads. 

Don't let anything happen to him - Chloe stopped talking for a moment and averted her eyes to look down at her shoes.  His eyes were wet as his body, heart and soul went back in time to that night, lying on the cold, hard pavement with only his vision of her to keep him connected to a life he never understood, but being with her was enough to forget the other questions.

We can never fail. - Furious with Garrett, Claire wouldn't speak to him and turned from the room to get her keys and purse, slamming the door behind her. Garrett was used to this. That girl's slammed many a door, he chuckled; it helped to keep them from talking about things, and that's the way they wanted it. "Anyway," he said to the door, "I stayed because I wanted to be with you." But Claire wasn't really mad, and she always listened for several moments after she slammed a door.

Clementine Nash - I am writing to tell you that Chloe passed on a few weeks ago. She was so happy to have met you both after all this time. She was so grateful to Mr. Mason for saving her life, and said a prayer for y'all everyday for seventeen years. She talked every so often about finding you and thanking you, but something always seemed to get in the way. Our mother was bed ridden for many years, and somehow it fell to Chloe to live with her and take care of her. This took a lot out of her. After she died, Chloe met a man, got married and they had two beautiful daughters, but this kept her pretty tied down.

A one-minute angel - This reminded Jesse of the mural she used to have on the ceiling in her place in Pasadena, and how centering its message always was for her.

We just do - The old rules were reinstated, and the next several days were spent with the family avoiding each other and no one making eye contact or standing still for more than a minute. That one conversation used up all the communication tools the family had in reserve, angels or not.

I feel inadequate - Jesse was delighted for her parents, and not as surprised at their spiritual epiphany as she expected. When the student is ready and all that, she decided. Extraordinary, unexplainable events were part of the magical mystery of life that are best left unanalyzed. They had little to say on the matter when Jesse asked them privately.

Perfectly Logical, Clearly Insane - Autumn was soon upon them, with the landscape bravely and boldly performing its spectacular grande finale. She remembered one of the plants from her studies of the area, Russian thistle: When the plants die in autumn, they break away from the roots and tumble free in the wind, scattering seeds as they go, often for many miles.

Stop the wheel - She drove all day and into the night as if she were trying to make some self-appointed destination before the stroke of midnight. At half past two in the morning, she was still blazing down the highway, surprising herself at her own endurance. She knew she couldn't stop. If she stopped, she would have to face the dragons that had been chasing her since leaving Oregon, and before.

Consider it a koan - Stop. Go to your mind, Jesse commanded. Now, lose it, and see. I am not my thoughts, she repeated. Is there anything in this moment that is hurting, scaring or threatening me? No. Is it my hand that is touching the hot burner, or just my mind thinking I am? Accept the moment. What's here? The present. A present. A gift. That's it. That's all that's here. Now, love it. She dropped to the ground which caught the attention of some nearby cows grazing in the field. Apparently, her sitting on the ground was interesting enough to them that they stopped eating for several moments, and huddled together watching her.

Lily - It was late in the afternoon as Jesse neared Chiloquin, and her renewed sense of confidence and boldness about coming back suddenly vanished and she wanted a detour. Coming back felt like the new coat that symbolized her renewed self image, but the stiffness would need time to soften and mold around her body. She turned down the road to Levi's. Based on her experience this was probably not the place to go for encouragement, but her options at this point were limited.

We Are One - Travel the path your own light shines, and let its illumination be as indiscriminate as falling snow. Our traveling companions on the journey to heaven are assigned by God, not us, and the more we love what is the sooner we get to go with whomever is in front of us in each moment. Wow. Cool. Yes, please. Thank you.