SAYING GOODBYE
A million thoughts go through your mind when you are racing into the unknown. The most popular questions that people ask themselves, tends to be, " What's going on? Am I too late?" And of course, in my current situation, " How is it possible that I get every red light in the city?"
To answer these questions, in the order they were asked, is an easy task. But, that is only true if you can manage to relax and breathe. It is best to sort things out inside your head and then answer all your questions. That's exactly what I was trying to do now.
To the question of, "What is going on?" I figured that the most likely situation was that Tough Guy went after Soft. Tough is probably trying to bait me into a confrontation that is more favorable to his needs. If Soft was hurt, my crew is lessened, and my counter attack isn't as dangerous. Or, this could be a set up. If it is a set up, I am walking right into it. My curiosity about Soft and overall concern for his well being outweighed any feelings of trepidation I may have had about going to the college. Set up or not, I was headed straight into the loin's den.
The second question, "Am I too late?" is only important in matters that are possible to control. In this situation, even though I was the catalyst, the sitch was almost out of my hands. The situation, with Tough Guy, however regrettable, was mostly unavoidable. I couldn't avoid selling my product. That's my job. I couldn't avoid arguing over the price. That's how it goes. And, I couldn't avoid defending myself. That's just how I get down.
The actual question of my lateness could only be necessary if Soft was in worse condition than I am anticipating. I envisioned a couple of bumps and bruises, and some swollen pride, but I knew it wasn't going to be too serious. But, in the back of my mind, I was a little worried. I drove faster.
The third question, the amount of red lights I was going to encounter while in a rush, is relative. In my situation, there could only be one answer. Yes, I would get every red light that it was possible to get. I got the red lights that I have never gotten. You know that light that is in everybody's town that's never red. It was red tonight. The areas I was stopped at tonight were so unfamiliar, at times, I wondered if I was lost.
The towns flew by me as I sped on the highway. I passed one hundred miles per hour on the speedometer, and my radar detector didn't beep. This was my first piece of good luck. I found a blunt in the side compartment, and began to toke. The greens helped my nerves and anticipation, and my thoughts became a little easier to organize.
If Tough had decided that a weaker tie was his best revenge, I would need to finish this immediately. I had the gun in the trunk if I needed it. But, I hoped that he and I could work things out like civilized men. I knew that I was easily the tougher of the two of us, and I suspected this was why Soft was attacked. Of course, if something serious had happened to Soft, I would never get the chance to punish Tough. I knew that No would end Tough's life before I got a chance to handle him my way. I decided to call No.
Remembering that he was in lock up, I called the police station, hoping they would at least deliver a message. They transferred me to the holding cell. It was four in the morning, but the guard sounded awake. As it turned out, the guard had let No out of his cell and they were playing rummy. I never knew how No accomplished some of the things that he did, but I know I should never ask.
Once No had the phone, I tried my best to explain that I wasn't going to be there to pick him up in the morning. I was trying to tell him this, without telling him why I wasn't going to be there. If I told No that Soft had caught a bad one, he wouldn't last ten minutes in that police station. I could just imagine No pacing his cell, waiting for eight a.m. The four hours that No had to think about the ways he would get revenge would prove to be fatal for Tough.
When I told No that I wasn't coming, he naturally wanted to know the reason. I told him that it was a thing with Boo and that I would call him later in the day. He said that was fine, yelled "rummy", and hung up.
Expectation can be a powerful thing. When a person expects one thing to happen, and something different happens, it can be quite a shock.
Keeping that in mind, I arrived at the college hospital. I went to the front desk and asked a nurse where I could find Soft's room. The nurse looked at me exactly as I thought she would. I was a complete mess. My hair was out of place, I had serious beard stubble and my eyes had bags underneath them. To summarize, I looked beat.
Since I hadn't had more than three hours of sleep in over two days, I looked like a man who hadn't had more than three hours of sleep in two days. The stress, chaos and the marijuana had made a mess out of me in the last two days. More than ever, I needed to find a new lifestyle.
After her initial shock, the nurse told me that he was in room 134, and I should come back in two hours when it is official visiting hours. I told her that would be fine and walked to his room.
When the elevator opened, I remember thinking that I hoped Soft was awake. I wanted to talk to him about what happened. I also wanted to know if Tough had people with him. I opened the door to Soft's room and walked to the first bed. There was an old man on a respirator. I walked to the second bed. It was empty.
On my way out of the room, I ran into a nurse. Just as she was about to ask me what I was doing in the room, before visiting hours, I cut her off. I asked her where the young man in the room had gone? I thought he had probably been discharged and I should go to the college. The nurse said that he had not checked out. She said, " May I ask if you are family?" I told her that Soft was my brother and I wanted to know what room he had been transferred.
I like to think that I am a good reader of a person's eyes, but nothing prepared me for her eyes. When I saw those eyes lose all sense of authority, and replace them with pity, I knew my assumptions about Soft's condition, were wrong.
Have you ever heard the words, " I'm sorry, but your brothers injuries were too severe, and he died after he was admitted"? Well, I have. These words put my heart on the floor.
I cleared my throat and asked the nurse where the body was? She told me that he was in the morgue. I thanked her and went to the morgue.
I think all morgues look the same. They are all white, silver and maybe that lime green color that doesn't look like anything besides a morgue tile color. This morgue fits that description.
I remember that Soft was lying on a table with a sheet pulled up to his neck. He had lots of bruises and his eyes were puffed closed. He looked so, hurt.
I stared at my dead brother, lying on a slab in the morgue, for as long as I could. I didn't cry. I didn't reach for him and touch his dead body. I don't even think that I blinked. I blamed myself for Soft's death. It was my fault. I got him involved in this lifestyle, and now he is dead. Tough never would have done this if I had just sold him the greens at the lousy price he offered. Ten dollars didn't seem so important anymore.
What was important now, was revenge.
I said a prayer for Soft and left. I was running out of the hospital as fast as I could. I couldn't run fast enough. I was in slow motion. I got to the car, got in and sped out of the parking lot.
©2002 StoriesByEmail.com
|
