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Wonderland. Part of Jesse hates this place and a part of her thrives on
this place. Wonderland. I wonder if he's the one....I wonder if he's going to
try anything tonight....I wonder if he'll like me...I wonder if our lifestyles
will mix...I wonder if I can stop wondering and just be...I wonder, wonder,
wonder.
All the way home she wondered and got in just as it started to rain. She was
prepared now for Luke's greetings and got out to see him first, empty handed.
She explained to him that she had a date, and if he wanted to see more of her he
was going to have to come inside. To Jesse's utter surprise, he came in the
house when she opened the door. It was creepy how much this totally
unpredictable creature reminded her of the men in her life. He skulked around on
full alert and approached every object with suspicion and scrutinized it
thoroughly before getting too close. He acted as if he'd never been inside a
house before.
Jesse greeted Kali as she took the groceries into the kitchen, and when Luke
saw the cat he froze in his tracks. Another of Kali's unexpected quirks is that
she likes dogs. Cats she can take or leave but she genuinely likes dogs. She
meowed to him and jumped down off the chair to go introduce herself, and Jesse
swore he all but stopped breathing he was so tense. He was as motionless as a
stone statue.
Jesse had less than an hour before Nick was due and didn't feel like she
needed a shower, but changed and put on some make up while she planned a menu.
She heard Luke whining downstairs and called to him, but he didn't come. She met
him at the bottom of the stairs, and he was looking exactly like a creature who
had never seen stairs. Jesse managed to coaxed him up the first few, but he
scampered back down. In his own time.
She was looking forward to her company tonight, mostly for the conversation. He
was intelligent, witty, educated, and she enjoyed their symbiotic repartee. He
had a rather caustic tongue at times, and she made a mental note to get his
birth date. Her hunch was Scorpio. She settled on pasta with Alfredo sauce,
steamed broccoli, garlic bread and sparkling cider. She put on some classical
music while she cooked and kept an ear open for the front door. She was curious
that Luke had chosen tonight to get brave and come inside, and a part of her
felt reassured by his presence. Right on the dot at seven, Jesse heard the front
door open and the bells jingle. She loved punctuality.
Nick wasn't much taller than she, but he clearly worked out a lot more than she
did, and his muscles fairly bulged out through the sweater he wore. He came
bearing wine, and she thanked him and suggested a tour of the inn as an ice
breaker. Luke came out to greet him and accepted him more easily than she
expected, and as Jesse watched Nick kneel to pet him, she remembered about his
birth sign. November 24th. She was off by one sign, but it explained the tongue.
She admitted to herself that caustic was a bit harsh for what she had observed
and certainly a Scorpion's trademark. He had been more on the arrogant side. She
liked Sag energy better anyway. Scorpios are intriguing but make being human way
too complicated for her easygoing Aquarian nature.
They toured downstairs, and Jesse checked on dinner before leading him
upstairs to the guest rooms. He commented here and there about something that
caught his attention, and like everyone who sees this place for the first time
was enchanted. They talked comfortably as they explored, and Jesse felt
confident because she loved showing this place. It's character expressed itself
without much help from the tour guide, and its charm drew people in and held
them captive. They must have spent almost an hour looking around and talking,
and Jesse realized the time only because she was hungry. They went back
downstairs, and he offered to open the wine. She declined a glass with the truth
that she was more a beer or champagne girl. He seemed to be analyzing this when
Jesse made the intimate gesture of taking a sip from his glass, and this
smoothed them past the moment. She didn't tell him that weed has always been her
drug of choice but was grateful to have finally learned that high is not free,
and a clear mind is a better high than any drug she's tried. And she's tried
most of them, in excess.
He jumped right in and helped her get the food ready. She likes a man to cook
with her instead of one who waits to be served by her. It's not a feminist
thing, but a social desire. She likes the activity of cooking and she enjoys
doing it with someone else. Cooking together with Julia and her Mom during
visits here in the past was one of the highlights of playfulness. It doesn't
necessarily have to be a man, though right now she was enjoying the one who was
doing it with her. He was intelligent, funny and seemed to get more gorgeous by
the minute. How had she missed this? They got along surprisingly well. There was
a slight tension between them that could only be sexual, but Jesse ignored it
for the time. They sat down to a candle-lit table, and she darkened the lights
around the dining room and lit the candles she had placed around. It made for a
very romantic ambiance, and he asked her if she was going to make a pass at him.
"As a matter of fact, if you'd been getting a football team together it
would have been an entirely different story, because it just so happens that I'm
a pretty fair quarterback." She said nonchalantly as she took a bite of
pasta. He chuckled hesitantly and eyed her like one of his lab experiments,
trying to determine if she was teasing him or not. She wasn't going to make a
pass at him, nor was she going to accept one. Not tonight, anyway. She wasn't in
the mood and hadn't shaved her legs. That's how she knew.
They talked about their pasts, their families, the ancient Egyptian story
about one of the greatest romance in history: the love between goddess Isis and
her brother Osiris and its symbolism of the inherent power of love awakening the
psychically dead, his work, her previous work, his children, their divorces,
God, Oregon, relationships, favorite authors, the Santa Claus myth and whether
or not it's the one great lie to children, sports, sex, how ice cubes freeze
faster if you use warm water, the inn, her sister, Luke, how Nick wanted a
Newfoundland but wasn't home enough because he traveled one week a month; they
debated about the myths of mysticism and agreed it often amounts to nothing more
than graduate level anxiety management and sometimes that's as good as it gets,
the greatest gift a lover gives and what's the best way to die. And everything
else that was not ordinary.
There was nothing they could not talk about, and everything they talked about
became extraordinary just because of how they discussed it. After more than two
hours, Jesse got uncomfortable sitting at the dining room table, and without
interrupting the flow of conversation she got up and carried the dishes into the
kitchen. He did the same, and after the table was cleared away and the dishes
put in the dishwasher, they went into the great room. They never stopped
talking. Intellectual stimulation is foreplay for Jesse. A man can be as
romantic as Don Juan, but if he can't carry on a diverse and intelligent
conversation with her, he's out. And if he can...
They sat next to each other on the couch with both of their bodies turned toward
each other as they talked long into the evening. It was cozy, and Jesse realized
there hadn't even been a pause in the conversation, yet it wasn't as if they
were anxiously filling up space. She couldn't speak for him, but she found
herself eager to discuss things with him because they had such a great rapport.
She noticed he changed subjects a few times when she asked a question about
his marriage or made a comment about being single, but she let it go. He would
go for a stretch conversing thoughtfully, and then all at once he'd become the
schoolyard boy acting self conscious, and Jesse would pick it up from there. It
was an interesting exchange. Just like in the grocery store that afternoon,
sometimes when he spoke she watched him talk more than listened to his words and
felt the same response from him, because her body would become flush when she
knew he was watching her more than listening. More than once she wished she'd
had a tape recorder, because the melding of their minds created some very
provocative discussions. They seemed to cause each other to think, and they both
seemed to appreciate this immensely.
She knew it was late but she honestly didn't want this to end. She was sleepy
but felt glued to her spot on the couch and was afraid if she moved the spell
would break. Finally, he yawned. Jesse went into the kitchen and looked at the
clock. Oh, my goodness, she said to herself.
"Hey, guess what time it is?"
"Late."
"It's 1:30." She couldn't believe it.
Without missing a beat, he replied, "I knew you were going to get me to
stay the night."
"Actually, you may as well instead of driving all the way back to town
and then out here again in the morning."
He worked in the village. Before he could chime in, she continued in a firm
but teasing voice, "You can stay in one of the guest rooms. Pretty good
service for a first date."
"No, good service on a date..."
He didn't intend to finish the sentence, and they laughed.
He told her that he only needed about four or five hours a night, and she
exclaimed that she needed about twice that much. They stood up and stretched,
and the awkwardness of reality tongue-tied them for several moments. Jesse
thought, well, it's over, and between their schedules and lifestyles, Jesse
could not imagine when they would even see each other again. He had his kids
half the time and traveled one week a month, and her only day off was Monday,
and during the summer her schedule was really going to tighten, not to mention
living almost an hour away.
He helped her turn off lights and waited while she tended the stove. She
wondered what would happen next, not tonight but after tonight. Well, tonight,
too. He seemed to like her, and she undoubtedly was attracted to him. The room
now dark, they started up the stairs. Luke came up next to them, and Jesse went
over to the front door and invited him outside, but he couldn't seem to make up
his mind. She held the door all the way open and told him if he wanted to go out
for a minute he could come back in. This seemed to satisfy him and out he
trotted, lifted his leg on the post and trotted back in. The dog did not
understand single, one word commands, but run an idea past him, and he's all
ears. A very strange dog.
She felt Nick take her hand as they went up the stairs. His palms were
strong, soft and his fingers relaxed as he wrapped them around hers. She doubted
hers felt as relaxed. Luke whined at the bottom of the stairs as he watched them
walk up, and Jesse turned around to see him sniffing and trying to muster the
courage. At the top of the stairs, she stopped. This is where it was going to
end. For now. He still held her hand.
"You can have any of those rooms" as she pointed, "and help
yourself to whatev..." Jesse started to give him the hospitality speech,
but he interrupted her, and all she heard from him was a whispered,
"Yes" as he moved his body into hers, put his hands around her face
and looked into her eyes. He wasn't hesitating or asking or even searching. He
was looking. At me, she thought. Not for affect but to see more of who he had
being seeing all evening.
Jesse had a lot of experience with men, but it had not made her an expert. Why
is that, she wondered? With everything else in life, the more you practice
the better you get. Nick was taking more of her in and giving more of
himself through that brief, intimate gesture, and Jesse's heart responded in
kind and opened up full and wide. Then he kissed her. And he wasn't shy. His
lips were full, warm and expressive, and if their conversation hadn't convinced
her of his attraction, this kiss was meant to seal the deal. He wasn't eager, he
was passionate and slow. He tasted sweet and musky, the flavor of a man. He
moved his hands from her face down her neck and wrapped her tightly against him.
He moved his lips off hers and lightly touched them around her face for a moment
before going back to her lips.
Jesse was gone. This was the ultimate kiss, the kind of kiss every woman
hopes to one day get from a man. Just once. She did not get the sense that he
was going to go any further, and this made it all the sweeter. Suddenly, she
heard Luke's braveness bolt him up the stairs, they laughed at him then turned
their attention back to the moment.
"I didn't expect to like you so much." She whispered.
"You like me?" He replied in an animated tone. They laughed as they
continued to hold one another close. She looked into his eyes, and he looked
into hers, and they stayed this way for several moments.
"I had a good time, Jessie." He insisted on using 'Jessie', and she
wasn't sure if it was just to be contrary or if it was simply his preference.
The man could maintain eye contact for sure. His look into her eyes sent a bolt
straight down her into her heart, on down into the more southern regions and
right into her toes making them actually wiggle.
"I'll look forward to seeing you again." She whispered, slightly
provocatively.
"Don't count on me before Christmas." His tone felt like a
bucket of cold water and the abruptness of his words broke the spell and Jesse's
defenses went wild. She tried to look cool and unmoved, but inside her heart
just closed up. She hated this. She hated dating. I'm no good at this,
she thought. She didn't quite pull off the "cool" and he said,
"Lighten up! I'm just kidding." He leaned in to kiss her again, but
she was still eyeing him cautiously and leaned back to continue her study. She
regained her footing and gave him the benefit of the doubt, but she was still
stinging.
"Sorry, I overreacted. I was lost in the tenderness of the moment, and
the comment brought me back to earth, and I wasn't ready to come back."
They took hands again and though more timidly this time, their lips met and they
said good night. As she went into the bedroom, he looked at her and said,
"I will call you, Jesse."
"I know you will." Her words were more guarded than she intended,
and she added, "help yourself to whatever you need."
"This is how you're going to end this?" he asked.
"It's not ending, I'll see you in December," she said coolly.
"Jessie, I just meant....I don't know what I meant. Our schedules are
so....incompatible."
His voice sounded uncertain, and he looked around for something to look at
other than Jesse. "I just meant that I don't see how..." his voice
trailed off, and he looked helpless. She looked at him for a moment trying to
decide whether to let him hang there or rescue the moment. Heart still stinging,
she took a deep breath, moved in closer to him and said softly, "Nick, did
you have a good time tonight?"
"Yes, Jessie, I did." He looked into her eyes again, finally.
"Me, too. Let's let that be enough for now. December will take care of
itself." She was bluffing but wasn't sure if he knew this.
"It's March."
"Whatever, you know what I mean. Tomorrow will take care of
itself."
"Is that the way it works?" He questioned.
"It can work however we want it to work." Jesse insisted.
She couldn't read his expression and without missing a beat, as though he'd
been waiting all night to say this and considered now the perfect opportunity
said, "Well, at least you didn't poison me."
"You sure?" And once again, the score was even.
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