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Bumps In The Night


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The Alien Sheriff -- Part 27
by James Patrick Cobb

In the last episode . . . personnel changes at the Contention City Sheriff’s Office; three bad men ride into town; the town gets increasingly peaceful due to the effects of the brainclip.

Episode 27

Hefting a loaded double-barrel shotgun in trembling hands, Judy Alexander searched the streets of Contention for her husband Skinner. She didn't have to search long. Four minutes after she started, someone told her exactly were to find him: The Metropolitan.

Anger clouded the petite curly-headed brunette's mind. She knew Skinner made friends quickly with his wit and chummy manner, but more enemies by cheating at cards. The fiancée of another of Skinner's victims informed Judy of her husband's revelry with the Metropolitan's stable of harlots. The woman intimated that Judy, pretty as she was, was the laughingstock of Contention City.

Not yet out of her teens, the buxom brunette with the tear-streaked face burst through the swinging doors of the gilded saloon. "Where's Skinner, my husband?" she demanded.

"Mrs. Alexander! Why don't you put the gun down and go home?" said Chen, the slight pony-tailed Chinese bouncer who worked for Hardy.

"I'm not going anywhere!" she said angrily, cocking the shotgun. "I bet he's upstairs with one of your strumpets!"

He was, though Chen just shrugged. Bowing slightly, he let her pass. Skinner was only getting what was coming to him. Chen's job was secure. The Chinaman could fight with both hands tied behind his back and whip his weight in wildcats, and Hardy knew it.

Judy heard her husband's voice behind a locked door. Enraged, she kicked it down despite her petticoats. "You in there Skinner?"

She found him and the harlot in differing stages of undress. She confirmed with her eyes what she'd long suspected. This was the cause of the long absences and the shortage of money.

"Junior and Chastity need clothes! I have nothing to feed them at home! How can you do this?" she sobbed as she tracked him with the shotgun's barrel. "You said you loved me just yesterday!"

Skinner didn't have much to say: "Mmm . . . ahh . . . Damn!" he stammered.

Deputy Anaya bounded into the Metropolitan, bursting through the swinging doors. "Did you see a woman come in here toting a shotgun?"

"She looks for husband," Chen said.

"She find him?"

"If he lucky—not yet," Chen said, laughing at his little joke. "Maybe you could use that thingy," he said, referring to the pleebk. "Mr. Hardy not like if our lady hurt."

Anaya shrugged. "I'll try."

The deputy squeezed the end of the pleebk while he walked up the stairs. The device had the husband, wife and prostitute hypnotized before he even set eyes on them. With the trio sitting on the corner of the beds, slack jawed and open eyed like a bunch of hooked fish, Anaya slipped a brrkup up every other nostril, duly recording the event in a notebook when he was done.


Word of the peacefulness to be found in Contention City spread, causing Whitby MacMillian to turn his wagon and return to town to reopen his mercantile. Skinner Alexander was one of the first people he hired.

Once his headaches cleared, Skinner stocked the shelves and waited on customers there four days a week. On the other days, Skinner worked to build his family a mail-ordered house. The town lost a skilled card sharp and gained another hard-working, honest citizen.


Smith, Haby and McCall found out where Skinner lived. They rode to his parcel west of town at dusk and found him hammering shingles onto the roof of the house.

"Pete Smith?" Skinner cried out doubtfully at the figure riding toward him in the setting sun, as he came down the ladder.

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" Smith giddyuped his horse and came to a halt at the base of the ladder. "Who'd of thought we'd find you here? At work!" Still astride the horse, he offered a hand.

Skinner set down his hammer and gingerly shook Smith's offered hand. "You do what you have to."

"Yes you do, and you look tired. Work like that doesn't suit you well. Those hands of yours are more suited to dealing," Smith said. "Need a break?"

"Soon ain't going to have a choice!" Skinner said, chuckling slightly, referring to the setting sun. He ignored Smith's piercing blue-eyed stare, and looked over at Smith's companions. "It's been a long day, but I'll be up again at the break of dawn. I want to get the place done soon as I can. It just came in a few weeks ago on the train," Skinner said, wiping sweat from his brow.

"Just a few weeks ago? It's coming along. Doing it all by yourself?"

"Yup. It ain't hard. Just follow the directions, step by step. Course if I do another one of these, it'll be even easier."

They sized each other up as they talked about Skinner's family, his job at the store and how Smith never chose to settle.

"Your friends?" Skinner said, inquiring.

Smith made introductions. "They rode with me from Nevada. This man," Smith said, indicating Skinner, "is one person you don't want to play cards with."

"Oh," Haby, who hated card sharps, said. The pasty-faced, redheaded Irishman managed to hold his tongue.

"Don't play too much anymore," Alexander said.

"You?" Smith said in disbelief. "Ha! That's a good one. Still trying to lure us in?"

"That's all behind me. I've got a good thing going," Alexander replied. "Don't play anymore."

"That's the safe thing to do, son," Haby said, slowly.

Smith regarded Skinner critically and shook an accusing finger: "Nonsense! If a man has talents, whatever they are, he should use them. You, Skinner, have talent!"

Seeing the sternness in Smith's eyes, Alexander shrugged. "And I've got other talents too. You should see the way I can stack a case of beans! I'm a happily married man now, Pete. A man's got to do what's right by his wife and kids. A kid can't hold their head up proud hearing their dad cheated others at cards for a living."

"Must be something in the water in this place," Smith said before asking the Big Question. "We ain't got a place to bunk. Can you help us out, pardoner?"

"I don't want to hurt your feelings," Skinner said.

Smith started, incredulous. Smith knew what words were going to come out next. This Skinner Alexander was a new man. This was eerie.

"I've left all that behind. I don't want Junior exposed to the kinds of things y'all occupy your time with," Alexander said.

Smith looked at him uncomfortably for a few moments. "I don't know. Thought I could count on you."

"You men probably are planning some kind of a job. I don't want to know about it. I don't want any part of," Alexander said.

"Nobody said anything about a job. We're just down here on vacation," Smith said, smiling at some secret joke.

"I know you, Pete," Skinner said. "That's probably not true. If it is, you're okay. If it's not, remember the law don't fool around here. They'll get you. Make you pay."

Smith shuddered. "I can see you're busy. I'll be seeing you around." He acts like some kind of a preacher man, like he's better than us! Perhaps he needs to be taught a lesson? But they'd ridden too far for a rich target. Smith wasn't going to ruin the gang's chances with a quick murder, even if they could get away with it.

"Take care of yourself, Pete Smith. Hear?" Skinner called out, sending them off. "Your friends too. Y'all listen to what I say."

A little ways up the trail, Haby said, "I thought you two were supposed to be thick as blood."

"He's like the rest of them in this town," Smith said, struggling to understand what he was seeing.

"Yeah!" McCall said. "Pshaw! Ice water and vegetable juice in the bars!"

Haby took his six-gun out of the holster. "There's a good point in all that."

"What's that?" McCall asked.

"Can't be a good fighter if you can't stomach whiskey. This place is waiting for men like us to come along and pick it over," Haby said. "Easy money."

"You got it right! Easier than robbing trains, I'll bet," Smith said, excited. "Let's get ours before we get soft in the head too!"

"They've all been out in the sun too long—mining," McCall said.

"All the better for us!" Smith said, chuckling.

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