Wings
Jesse was dreaming of bells and couldn't get them to stop
ringing. She gradually came out of her sleep enough to hear the doorbell
ringing downstairs. It was the middle of the night, who on earth could it
be? She went to the window and saw tire tracks in the snow leading to a
car she did not recognize on the far end of the lot. She opened the window
and shouted, "Who is it?"
"Jessica, it's me, mom."
"Mom?! What are you doing here? I'll be right
down." Jesse ran down the stairs, still half asleep and opened the
door to let her in. They hugged and Jesse asked, "Where's dad? Where
have you been? We got here and you guys were..."
Her mom interrupted, "Jessica, I brought your wings."
She was instantly, fully awake, and looked down at her bag as though they
would be in there.
"Let's sit." Her mom's mannerisms were more
deliberate than usual, and she had an air of intention that Jesse had never
seen. She tended to be a bit slippery, like most Fish, and hard to pin
down, but tonight she moved and talked like someone with places to go, people to
see and no time to waste. She walked into the great room and sat on the
couch, patting the seat next to her.
"Jessica, I know you must have a lot of questions and I'm
afraid I don't have many answers." Now, this sounded like my mom,
Jesse thought. She cleared her throat and as she did she put her hand on
Jesse's. This was not a gesture common to her mom and her hand was
extremely warm for having just come in from outside, to say nothing of the fact
that her mom's hands are rarely warm, even in August, her dad liked to joke.
Jesse was riveted to her seat and told herself to breath. Her mom
spoke with a distinct cadence, that again was not her style.
"Jessica, angels simply hold the light. Anyone who
brings their darkness to the light is sent an angel to hold the light for them,
as long as they continue surrendering their darkness. Once they stop, the
angel departs. As long as they continue surrendering their darkness until
it is dispelled, they live in the light of love. We all receive this
message before birth and many times throughout our life, but few of us respond.
God needs angels now more than ever, not because the darkness of the world
is gaining momentum, but because the consciousness of so many more souls is
waking up. Remember, it takes but one dim light to dispel darkness. We
become angels two by two, the same way we enter Heaven, and we cannot be
attached to the form of this union nor can we direct our pairing. Only
when we love unconditionally are we free to love whomever is in front of us.
Do you understand?" Jesse nodded, but didn't, and tried
desperately to collect her thoughts and remember even one of the hundred
questions that had come up in the past few hours. Was this really her mom?
How did she know all this stuff all of the sudden?
"How do you know all this?" Jesse asked.
"We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed - in a
flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet." Her mom
replied, as though she'd repeated this verse a thousand times. Claire
Mason had never quoted scripture in her life and Jesse knew it. Jesse's
mind raced and she found it difficult to select questions, so she began a rapid
fire approach and asked anything that came up.
"What am I supposed to do now?" She asked, to
which her mom replied, "We need do nothing."
"How is being an angel different from being human?"
Her mom laughed, "What makes you think angels aren't human? Stop
believing in the body, Jessica, you know better." Now she was sure it
wasn't her mother talking. Jesse's thoughts scanned seventy four people
all in one second, and like a roulette wheel landed on her dad, but she
hesitated before speaking, "How can dad be..?" Claire knew where
her daughter was going.
"You know there is no order of difficulty in miracles,
Jessica. And anyway, he's an angel, not a saint!" Her
cleverness made her laugh and she was mom again.
"How come you're not including Julia in on this
discussion?" Claire said flatly, "It isn't necessary.
No more questions. I have one more thing to tell you. Ask your
questions before you go to sleep at night. I never realized how much time
is wasted in sleep when we can be healing so much. It's incredible,
Jessica. After the physical body is in the right state, the angel is
called to whomever his or her energy is drawn. I'll see the light on
around someone, and suddenly I'm right there with that person, holding the light
for them. They can't see me, of course, but I can see everything about
them, and I see it with pure love. I didn't know what this was like before
now. It's like nothing you've ever felt here. You know that
expression you use, 'think of the strongest sensation of love and multiply it a
million times, and that's what the love of God is like', well, you've been
right. We are perfectly, perfectly safe and we are perfectly, perfectly
loved." Tears streamed down Jesse's face as she heard these words
come out of her mother's mouth. Jesse had never shared this expression or
the experience from which it came with anyone in her family. Claire
continued, "The light literally calls me, but once the soul stops
surrendering their dark thoughts, my presence departs. I don't control it.
It's amazing. All night long this is what I do. This is enough
for now. Go back to bed." Without waiting for Jesse to answer
she got up, walked straight up the stairs into her bedroom, and shut the door.
"Well it's not enough for me." Jesse said
loudly to the empty room. Jesse sat there going over and over her mom's
words. This was it? This was the angel-ship? She didn't know
how she felt, but it was a mixture of confusion, excitement and disappointment.
Did she really expect to be able to fly or become invisible or read
people's minds? She laughed at herself. So, people are angels and
angels are people? God, she still had so many questions, but it didn't
look like they were going to get answered tonight. She was awake enough
now that sleep would not come easy so she went back upstairs and sat in bed.
Jesse got out a pad of paper and listed all the questions that came to her
mind to ask her mom in the morning. She did this until at last, sleepiness
won and got back under the covers and closed her eyes.
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