We Are One
"What!? Levi, what are you saying? Are you saying you're my...great, grand, something, what, uncle? Lily is my... great grandmother? My mother knew about this?!" Jesse's mind was spinning.
"Yes. This is what I am saying." Levi answered, then continued, "Your house is not haunted, Jessie, but her spirit must visit Plaik'ni. I can see how she would be drawn to it -- the people, the location. She dreamed of living among the white man and teaching our people's ways to them. She saw the future, but didn't see how to live it the way she wanted, so perhaps she has in the afterlife what she knew she would never see in this life. A bridge between two nations."
"How come my mother never said anything?"
"For a long time she could not see how any good would come of it." Jesse was all too familiar with this line of thinking. "Your mom was about four or five when I finally found my sister, well, half sister. We talked for hours until your grandfather arrived home, but he was furious after hearing the story and told me to leave. I could hear him yelling for a long time and your mother told me he beat her mom up pretty bad. They didn't talk about it for years because they were afraid, but after your grandfather died, your grandmother told Claire everything she knew, and that there was a whole treasure to her heritage she'd never had the courage to tell her about and if she wanted to know more she should seek the truth. By the time Claire was old enough, all she wanted was to distance herself from her family. Her father was a brut, her mother weak and truth was the enemy that brought out the worst in everyone. Your mom made me swear I would never tell this to anyone and I promised, even though I did not agree with her decision. That's why I would not talk to you those times you visited. I am sorry, but I had to keep my word. Your mom stopped by a couple of months ago and told me the ban was lifted. She could sense you were gearing up to leave again and thought perhaps if you knew you had long roots here, you would stay. And I think she was tired of the deceit. I remember she said, 'I didn't want to look at anything in my heart, but that light is pretty damn strong. At first it nearly blinded me, but then it set me free.' It made her laugh, but then it made her cry."
"Then why didn't she just tell us?!"
"Imagine if every time as a child you told the truth, someone beat you, threatened you or betrayed you. That's some hard wiring, but she's resolving the conflict. When she night lights, she's only drawn to people confessing sinister crimes and she stays with them through the soul's purging process and holds their light. It's not easy to witness the barrage of darkness that is virtually exorcised at a time like that. It takes a pretty brave soul. She just wasn't up for much truth in her mobile time. Probably when her psyche rested."
Jesse is surprised at his knowledge about night lighting and astonished at her mom's soul lessons. Levi replied, "Lots of people know lots of stuff and they deny it. It doesn't matter who you think you are, Jessie, whether you think you're black, white, red, angel, devil, saint, sister, painter or whore. We're all the same. We're one. We build whole identities around these illusions and then wonder why we're all so angry. The Indians cultivated their awareness of their dream state; the White man promoted his mobile state. Both are necessary and the one cannot be optimized without the other - that's why we need each other. The richness of our uniting as one is not expanding because we treat one another like the garments we wear instead of the children of the universe that we are. Love is the bridge we walk across in meeting each other halfway home, and we go the rest of the way together, two by two. Instead of building it up we keep tearing it down. We fight over an entire planet that doesn't belong to any of us, yet ignore this immense power available to all of us."
"It doesn't make much sense when you put it that way." Jesse replied through her gentle tears.
"No matter how I put it, it makes no sense."
"How come Lily never went back to her family or her people?" Jesse asked as she wiped her eyes.
"They weren't who she wanted them to be." Levi said, looking so intensely into Jesse's eyes she would have sworn he could read her mind and everything that had been going on recently. God can use anything, she realized once again, and does not give up on us even when we do.
"But she taught you so much about forgiveness. Why didn't she forgive them?"
"She taught me what she knew was important to know, even if she couldn't do it herself. It's the job of a parent to give their children the next highest level of learning."
"Why the inn, I mean, before my mom? How come her spirit resided there even before my mom came?"
"I don't know, Jesse, probably because it was close enough to our old camp and the river where we fished and picked wokas. Maybe because she could see ahead and wanted to be there for Claire and all of you. Mostly, though, because it's filled with people a lot and she loved that."
"Is this why we moved to Oregon?"
"More or less. Let's just say it was as close as your mom wanted to get to the truth. After she realized I knew who she was, she told me this was as far as she was coming so don't ask her to get any closer. I have respected that."
It was late by the time they finished talking and Levi suggested she sleep in one of the lodges. Tired but filled with peace, Jesse fell into a deep slumber.
"Good evening, Jesse, how are you tonight?"
"Wonderful, Annie, it's nice to see you. How are you?"
"Yes, full of wonder."
"What are we learning tonight?"
"What would you like to learn tonight?"
Jesse thought for several minutes.
"Well, it seems to me that at some point, the lessons learned must be practiced. At least until the next class."
"Yes, darling. Jessica, it doesn't matter who you think you are. So long as we think from our own minds, our halos are hidden. It's only when we lose our mind that we think clearly."
"Oh, my God! There, right there, I see it! Annie, can I go to it?"
"Yes, darling, well done."
"You...knew-"
"Go." Annie said. Jesse dipped, almost gracefully off the cloud, and was instantly beside the woman. Jesse went through her breathing ritual to focus and held out her arms as she did. Her entire being connected with the light, and concentrating on her breathing and beingness, gently held the light. She felt waves of ecstatic pulses flowing through her and it seemed as if every cell in her body was being softly, delightfully tickled. She breathed, relaxed and let the light's energy envelope her and she was in total, perfect love. Perfectly, perfectly safe and perfectly, perfectly loved. She felt the energy of the light shift and knew the woman's thoughts were returning to the fear based status quo, and after a few more moments, Jesse opened her eyes and saw it was dark again. She looked over her shoulder and Tim was standing there. He blew her a kiss as he departed saying, "Nothing for me to do here. See you, Jesse." She felt elevated, graduated. She felt her wings and the incredible lightness of Being. She woke up smiling and it dawned on her. Oh, God! I remember! I remember night lighting.
The myth of mysticism: It doesn't matter how lost we feel, nothing is lost in the universe. Everything comes back to its source. Socks, sinners and souls all find their way home.
Jesse got up from the mat she'd been sleeping on, and stepped outside into the still, dark night. She saw Levi sitting next to a small fire in a pit and went over next to him. They both sat together in the silence for a long time. When she finally felt ready, Jesse reached over and took his huge, bear paw like hand in hers, and said, "Thank you, Levi, for being my bridge. I'm going back now. I'll see you soon."
"You're welcome, Jesse, any time."
The inn was dark by the time Jesse made it back, and she quietly tip toed upstairs, heading straight for Julia's room. Looking down at her she whispered, "It's about time we did this," and laid down beside her sleeping sister, imagining what it would have been like doing this together as kids. She looked so peaceful, so innocent. And she is, Jesse knew; we all are. She is as innocent in her desires as I am in mine. God, I love her so much. Why don't I just tell her? And why don't I accept her love? Stop...no more why's, Jesse, just do it.
"Why are you back already?" Julia yawned.
"I'm home." Jesse gently corrected.
"How was it?"
"Good."
"I'm sorry about what I said before you left."
"But you were right, Jules. Remember when we were kids, and you guys used to go off to Bunny Land and you always said I couldn't go?"
"God, Jesse, that was a hundred years ago. I'm sor..."
"No. I didn't care about going to Bunny land. I just wanted to be with you. No matter where you were going. I love you, Julia." Tears streamed down both of their faces as they met each other's gaze, and met each other's heart.
"Jesse, what's important to me is as important as what's important to you is to you. I didn't say that well, but you know what I mean. I'm okay with not being an angel, Christ, Jesse, being human is more than enough for me." Julia whispered through her tears. Listening to her sister with her heart for what might have been the first time and realizing she was connected to the same omniscient source, the phrase from the Course came to mind:
Your interpretations of your brother's needs are your interpretation of yours.
Travel the path your own light shines, and let its illumination be as indiscriminate as falling snow. Our traveling companions on the journey to heaven are assigned by God, not us, and the more we love what is the sooner we get to go with whomever is in front of us in each moment. Wow. Cool. Yes, please. Thank you.
"Julia, you're more of an angel than you realize."
"Perhaps, isn't everyone? I love you, too, Jesse." She yawned again, then closed her eyes to go back to sleep. She
thought, "Yes, it's a great system."
The End
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