Perfectly Safe, Perfectly Loved
"Good evening, Jesse, how are you?"
"Good. When will I be able to see a light myself?"
"As soon as you trust your ability to hold the light yourself. You
don't yet trust yourself. Do you know why this is so?"
"Well, this is one of those questions where I could say I'm not sure and
then you'd say, but what if I knew the answer, what would it be, and I would
say, worthiness."
"Do you recall the Bible teacher who suggested to your class that it is not
our ability, but our availability that counts?"
"Yes."
"Well, then, why are you still unavailable to serve God?"
"Oh, no, I feel a demonstration coming on."
"Wonderful, darling, let's go."
They flew slowly for only a short time, and Jesse asked Annie, "How
come angels fly if we can materialize?"
"It's fun." Annie replied. They came to an area with lots
of clouds and hundreds of people sitting together, most of them with their eyes
closed and the others in a sort of trance.
"What is this place?"
"The message center. This is where unwinged souls come for a brief
period each sleep time, and depending on their subconscious availability to
serve they either sit and receive a message, or assist in circulating them.
Look closely at the faces." Jesse scanned over as many faces as
she could take in, and saw a few she recognized: friends and neighbors she
had known over the years. A few of them wandered around bending down to
speak briefly into the ears of the others. Jesse asked Annie what they
were doing.
"Those are the helpers whispering a sweet, soul-stirring message that they
will eventually pay attention to. Watch there," she pointed to a
cloud with a blonde woman leaning into people's ears, raising up, and going to
the next person.
"Oh, my God. It's Julia! She's a helper?! I don't
understand."
"Let's get closer and hear her message." Annie said.
"You are perfectly, perfectly safe, and you are perfectly, perfectly
loved." Julia repeated to each person as she floated around them.
"Oh, my God. How does she know that? Does she know that message
when she's awake...er... I mean, mobile? I thought she didn't want
anything to do with this angel-ship."
"Julia's ego is still wrestling hard, but her soul is vigilant. She's
been doing this for nearly thirty clock years."
"Thirty years!"
"Yes, Julia is a very steady soul. Shows up almost every night even
if it's only for a few moments. She's given that message to thousands of
souls." Jesse immediately felt the familiar pangs of jealousy, envy
and resentment as Annie whisked her away.
"I feel inadequate."
"Is that true? Are you inadequate?"
"No, it can't be true. But how do I resolve the feeling?"
"Imagine for a moment that you know the answer. What is it?"
"I knew you were going to say that. Love it, I suppose. Welcome
opportunities to feel inadequate. But not with her, please, all my power
just gets sucked away."
"Ah, ah, ah, darling. On this side, that is an invitation."
Jesse was delighted for her parents, and not as surprised at their spiritual
epiphany as she expected. When the student is ready and all that, she
decided. Extraordinary, unexplainable events were part of the magical
mystery of life that are best left unanalyzed. They had little to say on
the matter when Jesse asked them privately. In his usual blunt manner, her
dad put it this way, "Beats the hell outa not being one," referring to
the angel-ship. Then he looked at his daughter more solemnly and added,
"I don't like being wrong much, but I'm sure as hell glad I was wrong about
this."
"About what, dad?"
"Life."
When Jesse asked her mom why it took her so long to accept being an angel she
said, "In those days, you just didn't talk about such things. I
thought I was losing my mind all those years. Not even Valium shut up
those voices telling me to open my heart." After hearing her parents
reveal some of the family skeletons, the threads didn't feel as tattered to
Jesse any more. The truth seemed to have woven them back together into a
pattern in which the lines were still a bit abstract, but whose threads were
undoubtedly stitched together through some grand design of a cosmic seamstress
beyond this dimension. Julia, however, didn't want any part in this new
tapestry, and made it clear to everyone through her abrupt actions and curt
responses that she was to be left alone. How ironic, Jesse mused, we
finally stand together for one brief moment in time, and the crusader of such an
event declines to participate. No one can prevent anyone from living in
hell, and we all must pass through the baptismal ring of fire, and from
those ashes we build upon who we really are.
Conrad and Mary went back to Washington, and several days later it was time for
their folks to be on their way with Jarrod hitching a ride down to Stanford.
Now it was Julia's turn to be moody, unresponsive and withdrawn, and Jesse
joined in the avoidance effort. The inn kept them busy, and during their
down times they kept to themselves, as though nothing in their lives had
changed.
Jesse opened her eyes and looked around. She was in the midst of a group
of people with their eyes closed and at once knew where she was. She
tried to move to get away, but felt fastened by invisible ropes. She
called out to Annie, William, Rita and even Tim, but her voice did nothing more
than hoarsely croak. This was purgatory! Awake amongst the sleeping!
She grumbled, moaned and detested her position, cringing when she saw
Julia coming toward her. Julia leaned down and sang softly and sweetly,
"You are perfectly, perfectly safe and you are perfectly, perfectly
loved." Jesse's whole body tensed and couldn't stop herself from
sharply retorting, "Is that so? You don't even believe it!"
All of the sudden, the cloud began to tremble and rock, and people began
falling off and crying out. Jesse realized she must have caused this and
wanted to escape, but the cloud continued trembling until all the souls had
departed, leaving Jesse all alone on the cloud.
"Not your best work, darling."
©2004 StoriesByEmail.com
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