Two By Two
Julia called late Tuesday night to say they would be there the next
afternoon. She sounded tense; complaining that she'd been up all night for
two weeks packing boxes. Her irritable, cranky mood felt like an omen to
Jesse, and she tried every prayer she knew trying to find a peaceful path in her
thinking. It is at this point in our mind that the old mapmakers wrote,
"Beyond this point there be dragons."
I wish praying harder
helped, she laughed, and realized the opposite is true.
Let go. "Yes,
well, God, nothing personal, but I haven't met anyone yet who can take on
Julianna," she said to herself. This got her giggling, and the weight
of anticipation lifted slightly, as she tried to love what is, but knew she
couldn't yet, and that was as okay as it was going to get right now. And
that was okay. If I am unable to love what is, but I am accepting of this,
then that's got to be progress of a sort.
The day of their arrival, Jesse slept late, and still had plenty of time to
exercise her body and soul. She was planning on a quiet, relaxing day, and
nothing was going to ruffle her feathers. She was preparing: calm
before what might be a thunderous storm. Jesse was really enjoying the
energy in the great room during her meditation experiments, and after her run
went in there to quiet herself for a while. Perhaps it's the residual
energy from the combination of people at play in this room that creates such an
aura, she pondered. This house certainly seemed to draw in energy and give
it back out. Almost as if people were its oxygen. Jesse wanted to be relaxed but was trying too hard. The store was quiet and provided no
distraction, so she busied herself outside watering flowers, weeding and watching
Kali sun herself under the warm spring rays.
Julia and Jarrod got in just before sunset and were arguing about something
that Jesse ignored. The enthusiasm seemed to be forced from all sides as
they unloaded the car in silence, and leaving the unloading of the van for the
morning, went inside to eat. Jesse felt a wall building, separating
herself from them, and remembered something Marianne Williamson quotes from the
Course in Miracles, "Only what I'm not giving in any situation can be
lacking." What was I not giving, she asked herself? What was I
projecting that they weren't giving? They were being self absorbed, but
wasn't I, too? Okay. She put herself in Julia's position and
imagined what she was feeling right now. The place looked great and Jesse
hadn't needed Julia to get it looking like this. She might be feeling
especially sensitive of being needed right now, because her only child was on
his way; heading for Stanford in the fall. Also, she had traded a lot that
she valued to be here, and was probably just as apprehensive about partnering
with her sister as Jesse was. Jesse started talking about all the things
that needed fixing, and how grateful she was that they were finally here to
help. This seemed to affect the energy and lighten moods a little, and the
lingering tension turned out to be Jesse's. Alone and more content in her
room, she read, journal and pray. She prayed that she might change to
better see how she could love Julia in a way that meant something to her right
now. Jesse fell asleep feeling an intense longing she couldn't discern.
"Good evening, Jesse, how are you tonight?" Annie's sweet voice
said.
"I'm good. Hello, Annie, how are you?"
"Wonderful. Let's work more tonight on closing your mind while you
hold the light. We need the unforgiven state to reveal where it remains
attached to negative thoughts. As you approach the light, pay specific
attention to your body and observe the area where the energy seems to
concentrate. It will likely be near a chakra. Ready, okay, see that
light? Go, now."
Not much time is spent warming up here, Jesse thought, but quickly shifted and
breathed in and out, focused on the light, and tried to do as Annie instructed
as she approached the older man's light. She noticed she was able to slow
herself, allowing her a chance to observe her body. She saw Tim appear to
hold the light, and accepted it as part of the process of her training. Jesse
directed as much attention to her body as possible, and her awareness came to
the area around her first chakra. She wanted it to be somewhere else, she
noticed, and discussed this with Annie after thanking Tim and returning to the
cloud.
"Resistance is good, darling, it's there for a reason: it's like a
spiritual primer; it shows us our next lesson. Let's go into the silence
together. Repeat after me, 'I am spirit. I am the resurrection and
the life.' Jesse repeated the statement out loud.
"Now, use this as your mantra, and let the statement flow in and out of your
regenerative region as you breathe. Ask your subconscious to remember it
during your mobile period. Now let us be silent."
A long while later, Jesse felt Annie's hand over hers and opened her eyes.
"Look, over there. Go, Jesse."
"My goodness, there isn't much prep time here. Okay, here I go."
She went through her ritual, and arrived at the woman's side, ready for
anything. As she opened her arms to hold the light, she began to see the
form of the woman's thought processes and became mesmerized by them. The
light was wavering, and Tim appeared at her side and held the light. Annie's
voice said, "Jesse, focus on the light. Her thoughts are not
your business. Focus on the light."
"But Annie, she's cheating on her husband! I can't not look at that.
How can she be thinking that and still have the light go on around
her?!"
"Later, Jesse." Annie gently admonished. Jesse remembered
that it's impolite to interrupt a night lighting, and waited while Tim held the
woman's light. After he was finished, Jesse asked, "Doesn't it
bother you what you saw her thinking?"
"It only bothers me what I see me thinking, Jesse. No one's thinking
is any of my business. See you. Bye, Annie." And off he
went again.
"Annniieeee-"
"I'll see you soon, darling."
Jesse woke up and heard her own voice say, "But, Annie...," and
figured she must have been dreaming.
©2004 StoriesByEmail.com
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