What We Resist, Persists
She turned a few more pages and went on to read:
Child of God, you were created to create the good, the
beautiful and the holy. Do not forget this. The Love of God, for a little while,
must still be expressed through one body to another, because vision is still so
dim.
Leaving the pseudo-security of a life she identified herself by
was the proverbial mixed blessing. If it's only my egoic perceptions that cause
me to feel a sense of security, then I welcome the challenge. I must be ready
for this or it would not be happening. I just don't feel ready. She recalled her
favorite riddle: what's the difference between someone acting courageous and
someone being courageous? Well, ready or not, it's time to put my money where my
mystical mouth has been! It will definitely be an adventure in faith, she
assured herself, the universe will supply me with everything I need...whether I
want it or not. The answer to the riddle is nothing.
The move went smoothly, and Jesse elected to take only the
essentials: books, clothes and sentimental things. It was time to scale down
again, anyway, preferring to travel lightly through this life when she could.
She developed a routine over the next several weeks, meeting the locals and
re-decorating the den into her dream bedroom as a housewarming gift to herself.
Some of the people were familiar, and everyone was genuinely sad to see her folks
leave, but happy for them and glad the business was still in the family. She and
Julia talked every few days and discussed some new ideas together, with Jesse
constantly trying not to feel controlled by her.
After several tense
conversations, Jesse made the suggestion that they each take over responsibility
of certain areas of the business and let the one responsible have complete
control. Julia didn't like the idea, and this simply became one more issue they
were in conflict over. Eventually, after much deliberation and possibly from
sheer exhaustion, Julia relented to dividing responsibilities. Jesse considered
this a huge success, but felt Julia had simply resigned to the plan and was not
really in agreement. Jesse assured her sister they would do this on a trial
basis and review things at the end of the first season, next fall. This helped
smooth things over and they were able to begin accomplishing things during their
conversations instead of bumping heads, and supporting the long distance phone
carrier. She missed her friends and the activities of her former life, and hoped
the emptiness would soon be filled by something substantial. The chilly nights
were long and lonely, and Jesse spent them reading, writing and praying.
"Hi, Jesse."
"Oh, Rita, hi. So, I get you tonight. You guys sure come
and go a lot."
"It's a very busy universe, Jesse, you've said it
yourself. I heard you did great last time. Told you I was a teacher."
"You can't possibly think you had any-"
"Never mind. We need to get started. Okay, there's a
light. Ready?"
"What, already? Ok, wait, shoot, I just remembered, I
forgot to tell myself to be quiet more. Ok, what? Oh! Okay." Jesse saw the
light Rita pointed to, and took a deep breath in and let it go slowly. She
focused on the light around the young woman's body, and breathed slowly, trying
to stay relaxed. The next thing she knew, she was standing beside the young
woman, and as she started to open her arms, she felt like she was being pelted
by flying objects, so she stepped back. Tim appeared and held the light while
Jesse stood watching, puzzled, but silently this time. She waited until the
woman's light went out and said, "What happened? I felt like I was being
hit with stuff flying in the air."
"Hello to you, too. I'm a sub, not a teacher. Ask Rita.
See you. See ya, Rita, wow, doll, nice digs!" He disappeared.
"Thanks, see you, Tim. Come on back, Jesse, I'll
explain."
"I was getting hit by stuff, Rita, what happened?"
"You were judging her and drawing her negative thoughts to
you like a magnet. They fling themselves at you like metal to a magnet. Close
your mind and open your heart when you hold a light."
"I don't understand. I don't remember judging her."
"We usually don't. The ego is so insidious. It ducks in
and out so we hardly notice it, but its feelers get out there anyway, and grab
at whatever it can find. You may not notice it when you do it, but I guarantee
you'll notice when you stop."
"Why, how will I know?"
"Trust me. Okay, look over there. Go to that light."
Jesse repeated the procedure she had created for herself by
closing her eyes for a moment, breathing in and out and then focusing on the
light, and more easily this time arrived beside the person, but was again pelted
by negative thoughts. She tried to dodge them and stay put, but they seemed to
increase and she had to step back. Again, Tim arrived and held the light. Once
the light vanished, Tim said reassuringly, "You'll get the hang of it,
Jesse, you're doing fine. See you."
"Thanks. Bye, Tim." Back next to Rita, Jesse asked
her why they seemed to increase this time.
"You tried to resist them, so essentially you empowered
them by believing in them. You expected them. This is good for tonight. I'll see
you next time, Jesse." Rita jumped off the cloud and again fell downward
quite a distance before slowing enough to steady herself, then disappeared.
"Angels certainly don't waste much energy. Oh, oh, I
remembered, thank you, God. Is that even necessary here? Anyway, I am reminding
myself to meditate more. There, does that do it? Why am I talking to
myself?" Jesse opened her eyes and saw the full moon beaming through her
window, and she stayed awake a few minutes enjoying the view before falling back
to sleep.
©2004 StoriesByEmail.com
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