Pack Wood, Feed Stoves
Needing a walk to clear her head, Jesse bundled up and trampled
out through the snow, down the hill and off toward the campground. It looked
like a postcard with the fresh snow resting on tree branches and the smooth,
untouched surface of the ground blanketed in white. It was absolutely quiet
except for the sound of her own breathing. The forest hibernates for the long
winter months, and the stillness that comes alive during this season seemed
mystical to Jesse now. She missed this before. How had she missed this beauty?
The woods rests. Nature renews itself under a mask of snow, as it prepares to
show off its spring cosmetics. Some of the animals leave for a warmer climate;
some of the people, too, leaving only the toughest, roughest and fittest to
survive the cold days and even colder nights, she thought. Jesse felt a
pervading aloneness as she walked through the trees, yet completely comforted by
the vibrant life she knew existed in this stillness. She breathed. And then she
cried.
She could see Julia bringing in wood when she got back, so
seized this chance to finish the tape. She grabbed the remote and pressed rewind
for a second and then play. Mom was just finishing laughing at her own joke.
"Oh, I'm sorry, you probably don't think that's too funny
right now. We know you have a lot of questions. Most will be answered by
themselves as your lives progress from this point forward." Those didn't
sound like her mom's words, but she was beginning to see a side of her mom she'd
never seen before.
"We'll spend some time up there this summer, and by then
some things will be more clear. I know this is a shock; well, Jessica, you're
probably delighted. Sorry, no special powers." It's funny she should say
that, for the question had just entered Jesse's mind.
"Well, that's not entirely true..." Garrett shot her
the look this time. "...I mean, uh, you'll discover this on your own, and
if not, we'll talk more during the summer. Julianna, give this some time to sink
in. It'll all be okay. We're going to run, now. We love you both. Bye!"
Mom's voice was ultra cheery for that last part.
"See ya." That was the full extent of her father's
lines. Jesse saw him get up to turn off the camcorder, and then they were gone.
She suddenly realized the magnitude of shock this must be for Julia; how slow to
transition she is; how unprepared for a lifestyle change she is, and felt a rare
compassion for her older sister. Her life was planned, mapped out, fully
charted. Julia Mason did not shift gears easily or quickly. Growing up, whenever
their folks were planning a vacation or a trip to Disneyland, the kids didn't
find out about the outing until the moment they were told to get in the car.
This was a sanity preservation tactic on the part of their parents, who learned
early that Julia's anticipatory upheavals were intolerable. And heaven forbid a
plan should change in the least little way from how it had been explained.
Change was not allowed in Julia's world. Perhaps through years of observing
these episodes, Jesse learned to go with the flow and shift with the direction
of the prevailing winds. This was in part, Jesse realized, astrologically
delineated. Julia was Taurean: solid, unmoveable earth. Jesse was an Aquarian:
breezy, changeable air.
Jesse went out to help Julia pack wood. Bringing in wood for
four wood stoves was a chore and a half, but not an unpleasant one. A Zen
experience: pack wood, feed stoves. Chop wood, carry water. I did not plan on
this place, Jesse thought. Not yet, anyway. God, I hope I like it better than
before.
"How'd it go with Ron?" Julia asked.
"Pretty good, he was very gracious; he's probably going
through my desk right now while he calls the locksmith to get the locks
changed." Jesse laughed.
"You're being paranoid," she paused from her work,
then chuckling, continued, "with good reason, but the guy can't be all
bad."
"You're right, he's not all bad. He's a lot bad, but, no,
not all." She stopped to catch her breath. Apparently, she hadn't entirely
forgiven him. Note to self. "This is such good exercise. Are we going to be
able to do this, Julia?"
"We can do it. What did the rest of the tape have to
say?" She intended to surprise her sister and succeeded.
"Oh, you're so smart, aren't you? Not much. Mom said I'd
be delighted and you need to give it some time. They'll spend some time up here
this summer and answer any questions we have about the, uh, angel
business." Jesse thought it best for the time being to leave out the part
about the special-whatever that her mom eluded to. "Oh and dad did have a
line! He said, 'see ya.'" They both laughed at this.
"Doesn't it seem like about every five years or so she
hits us with some big news bulletin, and swears she already told us. I bet if I
called her right now she'd say, 'I told you last week your dad and I were
watching a Discovery channel special on desert plants,' and that would be her
private brand of logic to say she had mentioned to me that they wanted to move
to Sedona!" Julia exclaimed, feigning exasperation. Their mom did truly
have her own brand of communication methods. Trying to pin her down in a
conversation was like bobbing for apples with a paper clip. Contact was going to
be brief and slippery. Dad, on the other hand, would give it to you straight
between the eyes, when he talked.
"Hey, I'm not going to argue. I've had more intimate
conversations with a cab driver than I've had with her." This brought Jesse
immediately to the prior day's encounter with the lovely man in the cab. Do only
one thing. Trust divine order.
"Are you sure you want to be here by yourself for a
month?" Julia asked. Jesse thought to herself, the big question, dear
sister, is not about being here alone.
"I'll be fine. It'll be fun. It's quiet, and the more I
think about it, the more I like the idea. Plus it's less stress for you, sort
of." It was true. This was a good way for each of us to segue into this new
venture, Jesse thought. Julia needed time to prepare for change, Jesse preferred
the jump-now-figure-it-out later method. Leaving again. Moving again. Pretty big
move this time. She was excited. And sad. A familiar emotional blend. She
wondered if there was such thing as a gypsy angel.
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