You Are Not Who You Think You Are
Jesse was awakened out of bed before dawn by the sound of
Kali bouncing down the hallway, trying furtively not to step on the floor, and
as she skipped toward her, it hit: earthquake. It was quite a shaker,
and Jesse reminded herself to breathe while she waited it out, pretending to
ignore the prediction that it might be the Big One. The mural on the
ceiling which held through the trembler announced, YOU ARE NOT WHO YOU THINK YOU
ARE, and she fixed her eyes on it until the shaking stopped. No matter
where she was in her life situation, the statement always brought her straight
to the center of her being, where she knew all the answers existed, even if she
hadn't figured out how to consistently access them on command. Another
example that the universe has a marvelous sense of humor.
We're smart
enough to know there are answers to life's questions, but not yet smart enough
to know where to look for them. Or, as Jesse thought, still unwilling to
believe the insurmountable evidence. Walking through the house picking up
vases, photographs and an overturned lamp, Kali eyed her from the highest roost
she could find on top of the bookcase. The parade of sirens began
screaming through the streets before she had finished righting things, and a few
moments later the phone rang.
"Hello," Jesse said sleepily.
"Hi, are you okay?" The concerned sound of
Julia's voice was unexpected. In the past, it would have been the first
voice when one of nature's attention-getters hit, but for the last five years
the sisters had not spoken.
"Yes, I'm fine. What's wrong?" Jesse
asked.
"You had a huge earthquake. It's all over the
news. Didn't you feel it?" Julia said with exasperation.
"Yeah, I felt it. Kali tried to walk down the hall
without touching the floor. How is it that animals always know beforehand?
I wonder if I should check my gas." Jesse replied, too casually
for her sister.
"Well, I'm glad you're okay, but there have been lots of
injuries. It sounds pretty bad; in the seven's." Julia
reported.
"Goodness. Where'd it hit?"
"Northridge." About thirty miles west of
Jesse's duplex off Colorado Boulevard in Pasadena, California, disaster struck
and was far from finished. With the exception of the Tonight Show, Julia had a
history of finding out everyone's news before they did and considered it part of her job, both
in life and as a paramedic in Northern California, to relay the information.
As they talked, Jesse opened the front door to survey the neighborhood.
Eerily quiet. The kind of quiet that makes you want the frantic city
clamor because the silence is too foreboding. She turned on the TV and was
astonished at what she saw.
"I better go. I need to watch this. I'm not
even sure if I can get to work; some of the freeways are closed down. I
don't even have any coffee; I hope the bakery is open. Is that a terrible
thing to say? Oh, thanks for calling and checking." It felt
awkward, but now she was more concerned with the earthquake.
"I can't believe you, but that's not the only reason I
called. Mom called."
"When?! Today?! Because of the quake? Why
didn't she call me?"
"Not about the quake. She didn't know until I told
her."
"What then? What's wrong? What happened?
She called already this morning?!"
"She wants us to come up there. Now. She
said she would tell us when we got there. She sounded okay and said
everything was fine, but she called me at six this morning." Hearing
from their mother any time before ten in the morning was always cause for alarm.
"She wants us to come to Oregon? What for? I
don't understand. Are we going?" Jesse didn't know why she
asked that last question, it just sort of slipped out.
"Well, of course we're going! Why do you even ask
such a question? I don't know when or how; you may not even be able
to get out of LA right now. What am I supposed to do about Jarrod? And
work. I just can't drop everything and..." Julia rattled on,
but this is where Jesse checked out. She didn't need to be here for this
part, and letting her rant gave Jesse a chance to watch the news. She'd
lived around these things all her life and by the grace of God has not been
devastated by one. Love what is, Jesse reminded herself. Even this?
"...so what are you going to do?" Julia
demanded.
"Sorry, what was that last part? I was watching
the news. It's pretty bad; the freeways are closed. I guess I get
the day off. So, what's the plan?"
Julia was now fully engaged in the drama of preparing to
hustle up to Oregon. Trading one disaster for another; some things never
change, Jesse thought.
"Well, I'm not sure, now that the freeways are closed.
Mom didn't say it was urgent, but she wants us to come as soon as
possible. I'm at work on break; I'll call you later." There was
a slight pause, then, sternly Julia's voice added, "You will come,
right?"
"Yes, Julia, I will come. Bye." Grrrr,
Jesse said after she hung up, and sat quietly for a while shaking off both of
the morning's tremblers. She said a prayer for the people effected by the
earthquake and thought about what Katie might observe. Katie was a
remarkable teacher Jesse had met recently. Yes, love even this, she would
say. Next, she called work. Some people were there, but a few like
Jesse were housebound. The chances were good this was precautionary and
the roads would reopen tomorrow. She changed into her day off mode, and
without even showering jumped into some sweats and headed out to what she hoped
would be the open bakery at the corner. Right now, she needed coffee
before delving into thoughts about her folks, her sister and Oregon.
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