You are what you are, accept the facts!
Your instructor is Professor Taltos
We left off last time as I was beginning to have a conversation with a nice young man in the s. & m. chat room. He seemed to understand what I was trying to do (with Cyber-sex 101). He even seemed to be willing to teach me as we went along. This was very kind of him; it can be really time consuming and takes a fair bit of patience. His handle was 'sir*knight' and all I could really do was hope he was a true knight at heart. As we continued on with our conversation I crossed my fingers for luck. I was fully aware that the fact I had never been to a s. & m. chat room made me not unlike a virgin in the real world. I was going to be very careful not to let my experiences taint my opinion in any way. It isn't hard to stay neutral as long as you remember that's what you are.
If your wondering why this was so hard for me it was because in all honesty I am one of the most controlled people I know. I can't remember the last time I just did something for the hell of it. Through the years I have become very apt at having complete control over myself. I have allowed myself to venture to places I wouldn't dream of allowing my daughter to go to. The fact I have total control over myself has allowed me to do things and go to places that otherwise would be out of reach for me. (Just a little bit of inside info to me, not that it matters really)
At any rate once I had finally stopped pussying around and I grew a small set of balls I started to realize just how much this dude wanted to party with me. He was once again growling out his commands to me. "Dam it bitch do u or don't u think u can handle simple instructions?" He was getting down right pushy and I was enjoying my feeling of being in demand. I have a large ego and I thrive on attention. So my 'sir*knight's demands gave me the feeling he wasn't going to abuse me too much. Not if he wanted me to hang around that is.
To be sure he understood I would run if he wasn't careful I typed up, "Remember my friend I want to learn but I will never stand to be abused. Not here or in the real world! R u still interested?" It was time to play and he didn't take long to answer me.
"Listen princess this is the way it plays for most of us. I am a dominant person I like to call the shots and I always have. I need a subservient type person to make me happy. You will never be that person for a few reasons. I will take you on an adventure with me and show you how this is done. But you know and I know you could never willing serve a man, so to speak." He stopped here and I read what he had said again, slowly, not believing what I saw.
He was turning me down, well in a way he was and I was in shock. As I have said I have a rather over inflated ego. I'm not used to rejection. I have always been kind of proud of the fact I could fit in anywhere. I should have been an actress. But I wasn't fooling this fella. Despite the fact that I was irritated I couldn't help but think it's so very true, in cyber-space we are all the same. We can be any one or anything we choose to be. It isn't a world you will ever be able to touch or feel physically in any way. So any of my attributes I was use to using in the real world didn't help me here!
As I realized these things I also began to realize that the young man called 'sir*kinght' had somehow sensed this about me right away. I don't know how he had sensed it. I reread the script of our conversation and could find nothing to tell me where it became apparent I wasn't a submissive person. But he was right. Of course I couldn't be submissive. Anyone who knew me knew this was true. I like having control of things to a great degree and I have a hard time letting someone else take over.
"Are u sure I can learn if that is the case?" I put it simply knowing he would understand. I had by that time come to believe that this young man was actually an intelligent, honest and well-spoken young man. He had impressed me. It wasn't as if men never impressed me. But if I was to be honest, people in general don't overly impress me.
I have always loved the fact that most of us are, in so many ways, running on the same wavelengths. It has always made me feel comfortable to know we are basically developing along with each other. As we should be. So when someone comes along and impresses me they tend to stick in my mind for along time. This young man was one I would remember for a while. It will always be a fond memory.
"Yes my love u will learn with me and I am sure u will remember u'r lessons. As u have remembered all lessons given to u. that is why you are here with me now. You need to learn more. I will give you that if you agree to one thing If you don't want to go on that's ok at any time! But please realize we (some of us) really do live these lifestyles. We take them seriously and have rules we follow. You must promise to never do anything that could hurt us in any way."
At that moment I felt like the world's biggest heel. I knew I was just as guilty as anyone else of judging what goes on in chat rooms. I knew I often had a laugh at the expense of those poor computer geeks. It was a constant source of amusement to my friends and I. We never tired of discussing the fact that the poor souls really didn't have a life. I could only hope my new friend didn't know what a jerk I really was.
I made a mental note to come clean with him when the time was right. " That's easy, I promise. " I responded "But can I ask how are you going to teach me to be a sub. if I'm not sub. material?" I thought it was a fair question.
"I never said you weren't sub. material I said you would never be what I look for in a sub. There is a very big difference." He stopped waiting, I'm sure, for my poor simple mind to absorb this. Actually I had to take a minute to get it, he had already begun my lessons. It occurred to me to ask him if he ever thought of teaching as a career. But then again I don't need the competition.
He continued on with, " Just because I can't see us as a pair doesn't mean you couldn't have a good relationship with a Dom. He would just have to have more patience with you than I could ever have. I am a impatient man, I have accepted this fact a long time ago." He sounded as if he was apologizing to me. But I didn't miss the fact he was saying I was a handful. I wasn't sure how to take that.
I pride myself on my independence but I know I function at my best along side my mate, not tagging along behind him. I have always thought I was a pretty well balanced person. I know I'm far from perfect and I humbly accept this fact. I'm sure I'm not a woman's libber. So why would he think I was a handful in need of a patient man? Maybe I should ask my mate that question.
When I asked him about this I swear I heard him sigh. The patience was oozing off the comp. Screen. "What I mean is you have a powerful drive to live. You see and hear the things about you and you feel it all as a whole? That is if you r a true spiritualist. Are you a true witch Cynthia or is that just all part of your little alter ego?" Little alter ego! The jab didn't go by me unnoticed. My cheek felt as I had been physically slapped. He was trying to make me mad just to prove his point, about me being a handful, trying to bait me. I fought down the urge to react.
Proud of my efforts I typed back. "I am a spiritualist. This is true. All I have told of myself is true as it is in my profile." The profile is filled out when you become a member of chat rooms. And I had been as honest as I dared in mine, not wanting to misdirect anyone of my intentions. A lot of people don't tell all or are even guilty of telling some real whoppers but I have nothing to hide and because of my writing I feel it's best to be totally honest.
He seemed satisfied with this and continued on quickly." Good then you will have no problem understanding the lifestyles I will show to you." He sounded so dramatic it made me smile. I love it when people embellish a subject. It gives the whole thing a different kind of perspective if you ask me.
I waited as he went on." I have always known I was a Dom. Even as a child I needed others to obey me. They said I was bossy, lol. As a Dom. I am a stern commander but fair. I have to be obeyed but my subs. are always well cared for and happy. I never leave a mark that won't go away, it isn't very often I have to discipline." He was proud of the fact he had never marked someone for life? I just shook my head and reminded myself that I wasn't there to judge. "If you have questions please feel free to ask."
It was as if he was reading my mind I jumped at the chance. "Do you have a sub. now?" Of course that would be my first question. "Yes I have a few." His answer sounded matter of fact but I was still having doubts. I was beginning to think this young man was doing more than embellishing. How the hell can you punish someone when their not really physically with you? I felt it was a good question but I was very careful how I worded it.
"So let me ask then how do you go about this." There it was plain and simple I wanted him to just lay it out. I easily accepted the fact that I never make a submissive type of person but I still was curious enough to want to find out. I wasn't prepared however for the next curve ball he threw my way.
"I will tell you how I go about it but don't push me dear or I will tell you nothing. First I want you to understand that you are not a sub. and you never will be. Some people are and some aren't. You are not. But there are sub. Type of lifestyle you would be suited to." Now he had my attention. I really didn't understand and I let him know that.
For some reason he found this amusing. "Lol sweetheart as if I didn't know that. I didn't expect you to understand but I will explain. It's easy when it's put properly." I was getting a headache again! I think he was insulting me but I really didn't care, I wanted my info and I was going to stick it out. Stubborn is one of my most endearing qualities, I think. It drives me to find things out. And doesn't let me just brush things off. However when I did ask my mate he readily agree with 'sir*knight' that I was a handful.
He went on, "Now I have a challenge for you. I will give you a list of the types of lifestyles you will find in these rooms. And I want you to study some of them. When we talk again I want you to tell me which you think you my have a chance fitting into. Do you understand?"
"Yes." My answer was only one word but didn't think I needed to elaborate on the answer so that's all I sent. I wasn't too happy about doing homework and I didn't take being told what to do well but if that was the way to find out I would do it. I sat with my pen in hand waiting for his next instructions.
He then sent me this list.
"You have dom,s. and sub,s., slaves and masters and you have the people called Gorean,s. I believe you are a Gorean at heart and I believe you will be happy when you accept your position as it is. Goreans live in a place called Gor." I didn't have the energy to explain, once again, all I wanted was the information, I let it slide.
I did ask however, " What is a Gorean???" I had never heard of such a thing. Masters, slaves and the such I was very familiar with but a Gorean was something altogether new to me. And why did he seem to think I was so suited for this place called Gor? I asked him this also. Sure he would be angry at so many questions but I really didn't care at that point.
" Find the information and then you can tell me." He wasn't going to make this easy for me. "When you have your information and you have done your research properly then come back to this room. Don't ever approach me first for I will not answer you. When I see you have come back then we will talk again. At my invitation only. Do you understand?"
"Yes I understand. I will come back and wait for you then." This made sense to me. He wanted to see if I would do his biding. It was probably a test he gave all his slaves. I was pleased at the thought of learning even more than I had come looking for.
But as I look at my word count I see I have gone on for far too long once again. I fear we will have to pick this up next time. As I have pointed out many times already I am finding all this very complex and at times confusing. I am beginning to think we may have to go to an extension to complete these lessons but I shall see as we go on.
For now this Professor Taltos signing off!
Some more abbreviations for you.
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2u2 = to you to
aamof = as a matter of fact
atys = anything you say
hhvf = ha ha very funny
idgi = I don't get it
kir = keeping it real
mma = meet me at
ltns = long time no see
rhip = rank has it's privileges
tco = taken care of
ttyl = talk to you later
wb = welcome back or write back
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