Lesson Fourteen!
Learning how to enjoy life!
Your instructor is Professor Taltos!
As promised, today I shall attempt to carry on
with the conversation between ‘Raven’ and myself. ‘Raven was just
beginning to try to turn the tables on me, so to speak. At least that’s
what I thought he was trying to do. I had entered the adult’s role-play
room, fully expecting to be the mistress to a nice hunk of a male servant.
So far I had gotten my fantasy man and gone to my fantasy castle, but
something was about to become amiss in my never, never land. My male
servant, whom I fondly call ’Raven’, has other plans for me.
He was hinting that he was more than a simple
male servant, and he was hinting that he had some very important info for
me. He was basically saying he wanted to have some control in this issue.
This left me confused. I had been led to believe this was all just a
fantasy, mine, not his. Yet here he was suggesting he was here to protect
me from some dark force. I begged off for the night, promising I would
sign on with him the next day. I needed time to try to understand what he
was doing.
I decided I had to find out what he may have up
his sleeve or if I was just being paranoid. There wasn’t anything wrong
with him wanting some control. But somehow I felt I was missing the point.
Was he saying he needed to be more, or was the fact I didn’t know what I
was doing showing that badly? I didn’t know enough about the way things
worked in cyber-land to be sure of anything at that moment. I decided I
would simply have to ask someone in a different chat room.
I am never disappointed when I go in search of
info in the chat rooms. No matter what the subject is, I feel comfortable
in asking about almost anything in most of the rooms. Right now I needed a fast lesson on what was appropriate in the
role-playing chats. Perhaps I was just complicating things.
In life it seems that the more I try to
understand things the more there is for me to learn. One of my favorite
things to teach the little ones around here is, ‘You should expect to
learn something-new everyday of your life. If you ever go to bed and you
think you haven’t learnt something that day then your not doing it
right.’ When you think about it, it’s almost mind-boggling. When the
day comes that we are no longer here, even then there will still be a
never-ending list of things we haven’t learnt yet. I am very aware that
this kind of thinking can cause me to overcomplicate things, and I try hard
to make sure I compensate for this fact.
Having finally gotten my thoughts straight, I
ventured into a chat room full of people. They seemed to be just chatting,
for chatting sake. I gave my usual polite hello, introducing myself as
requested. Then I sat back happy to just listen (read) for a bit. The
friendly banter I was reading made me realize just how comfortable I have
gotten in these rooms. I am still touched when I go into a chat room and
someone remembers me fondly. It gives me an almost content feeling. It’s
the same feeling I get when a neighbor drops by in my real world for a
coffee and visit.
The people in this particular chat room were
having a really nice time. I could tell everyone was friendly by the way
they were throwing smart-ass comments back and forth. I loved rooms like
this. It was very much like sitting down with a good friend and a cup of
coffee. My friends from the chat rooms will understand what I mean. It
isn’t something that can really be put into words.
As I sat reading the words that were coming up,
I wasn’t surprised when before too long someone asked “ How r u 2 day
Taltos?” A general question, one that usually had the same effect as
opening a door for a visitor in the real world. I soon found myself
explaining to the group what I was doing and why I was there on that
particular night. It didn’t take long before they were all in on the
discussion. In short time I was having a hard time keeping up with the
conversation. I made a mental note to myself to work on my typing skills.
As usual the amount of great advice I was
getting didn’t surprise me. The people I call my chat friends, the ones
I keep in touch with, ‘Firstclass. Smiley, Lonewolf, BloodRaven, it’s
a very long list. These people are some of the most intelligent,
insightful, incredibly sensitive people I have ever had the pleasure of
knowing. I am constantly in awe of the knowledge I find there. This
particular night was no exception.
I came away with a few possible reasons for the
way things seemed to be going between ‘Raven’ and myself. One kind
soul suggested he may be a control freak and perhaps I should just can the
whole idea. I think this individual was still harboring bad feelings
towards a certain man in her life. I’m not making light of the advice
she gave me, but I was pretty certain I would know if this was the case.
I’m gambling that I have learnt a few things in my time. I sure hope I
have! I’d hate to think all those learning lessons I have gone through
could be in vain.
I explained to my friends that I was pretty sure
control wasn’t what the ‘Raven’ was looking for. I told them that,
if the truth were known, I’m the one who is a bit of a control freak. It
was right about here that once again I swear I heard a little voice in the
back of my head. It was saying if I was the one with the control issue,
could it not be possible that I was the problem when it came to ’Raven’? Perhaps I should have been looking at myself from the
beginning.
As I sat staring into cyber-land, I knew it was
true. I was the one that immediately signed off when he threw me a curve
ball. I won’t say I panicked but I will admit to being caught off guard,
a feeling I am never comfy with. I had to admit to needing control in my
real world. Without it, things would be pretty scary around here. However
there wasn’t any such need in cyber-land.
I felt as if I was in a corner with a wall at my
back ready to come out fighting. But my only opponent was my own shadows.
It was time to admit the truth to myself. I needed to let go of the
control. I needed to let go of a lot of things, but control was on the top
of the list right now. I needed to understand that I am safe in cyber-land,
and it was okay to allow someone else to take hold of the reins.
It was with almost a feeling of tranquility that
I headed back to the chat room where ‘Raven’ and I met. I was looking
forward to talking with him again; he was a very interesting soul. And I
was really looking forward to seeing what he had in mind for me. I usually
don’t like surprises. When someone surprises me I hate not knowing what
to say. The fact I am usually
dumb-founded is probably why people like to surprise me; it’s the only
time I haven’t got some to say.
However this time I was looking forward to what
may be coming. The mystery of what lay in these chat rooms made me feel so
alive. And I had loved the way his words had made me feel. And I had loved
the images I got when he and I were last talking. The feeling of following
your imagination, wherever it may wish to take you, is one of the most
amazing feelings I have ever had. There is some kind of comfort in knowing
it’s okay to have an imagination. And there is some kind of bliss when
you discover that you can share this with your peers.
For me this whole experience has been a kind of
awakening. I have always known I have a really good imagination. And I
have always enjoyed it to what I thought was it’s fullest potential.
Having peers to share my imagination with has shown me I have just begun
to scratch the surface of my imagination. There is a whole new playground
for me to cover.
This is wonderful news for me. With each
adventure I can only gain more things to say and more things to write
about. I really don’t know if there is ever an ending to the story of
cyber-sex. Somehow I get the feeling, when it comes to cyber-land; there
is always going to be a story to be told or a lesson to learn. But half
the fun is finding out.
I am forever telling my life-mate how lucky we
are. I’ve lost count of the things we have seen in our generation,
things that shall never be seen again in our lifetime. Last night I went
out to see Mars. Knowing full well I will never see it shine so bright
again. Man has walked on the Moon. Haley’s
comet has been by. Hale-Bob was seen strutting his stuff for many a night.
There are space labs set up able to support life for a surprising length
of time. These and so many more, are things that we will never see in our
lifetimes again. All these facts are only enhanced by my imagination.
Allowing me a great deal of pleasure as I tiptoe through the game of life.
My imagination is probably why I have find
myself in these chat rooms. I don’t think I will ever regret meeting the
people I have met and learning about the world of cyber-space. As I sat,
waiting, chatting easily with the others in the room. I realized I
wasn’t to see my ‘Raven’ that night. He did come by to beg my
forgiveness and being the good Mistress that I am I gave it to him. He had
a valid reason for not being there, and I hope things will be okay for you
‘Raven’. We will meet again very soon.
For the rest of you as usual we shall have to
continue on next time. I hope you will join me for the conclusion of what
the ‘Raven’ has in store for me.
For now this is Professor Taltos signing off.
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