Me, Myself and I!
I thought perhaps I should properly introduce myself. I think it may help put a few things in perspective for you. It occurred to me that it might seem odd getting advice from a woman that is unknown to you. The question of who I am and what makes me think I can give advice comes to mind I'm sure.
I am forty-five year old, simple white woman, who has spent most of her life traveling. I have driven semi trucks, I have worked for an escort service, I have been married twice, my first husband was my best friend, and (he has since passed away). The second marriage was due to a lot of pressure to get married again and it was a mistake for both of us. I have a beautiful daughter (from my first marriage) and three wonderful grandchildren. And I am now engaged and helping to raise a twelve-year-old beauty named
Tyra; she has downs syndrome.
My stepdaughter has helped me understand to a great degree how complicated we have made our lives. I find all my time spent with her is special and an adventure in learning. We've been a family for eight years now. I honestly can't say, despite some trying times, that I would change a thing for us right now. We have become a beautiful family, in my mind.
As off late however I am finding with school starting again and all the confusion of summers end I'm feeling pretty melancholy. I am also questioning my abilities as a Mom. I have been on the road until two years ago and I liked it. I still have my days of waving goodbye to my mate and feeling land bound somehow. It confuses me to want two so entirely different worlds.
It isn't that I'm not busy enough it's simply the wanderlust that runs through my veins. My grand babies and stepdaughter keep me plenty busy enough. And I am an artist of sorts. Right now I am doing my home in wall muroes. It will be up on my web page soon. Call it " Decorating on a shoestring Budget." There are also three frogs, two cats, two lizards, a bird and a whole bunch of fishes. So as you can see there isn't a lot of time to dwell on anything for long.
I have a very full life but still there was a problem? My problem was I am in many ways lost between two worlds that I love very much. I have been wondering if this is a common problem. Do a lot of women feel they are spread out as much as they can go and yet something's missing? I believe we do!
What can be done? Well I think a lot of this comes down to our inner power. Our capability's to pick and chose what makes us tick. What do you do well and enjoy. Are you stuck just working for the paycheck or can you feel that good feeling when you go to work? You know the felling you're there for a reason and occasionally you make a difference in your world? My mate has a saying " Most of us are living to work!" This is very true in a lot of circumstances but it doesn't necessarily have to be. With a little forethought and a lot of smarts you can be one of those that doesn't have to live to work. (At least that's what I believe) It depends if your world is a money world or not.
I think we fall a wee bit short when it comes to our girl children. We aren't encouraging them enough to be aware of their sexuality and power. And we need to give them some insight into the trick of reaching for what they want. This should begin at infancy. For example I wanted to be a scientist believe it or not. My mother however felt that it wasn't very feminine to be a scientist. There wasn't the encouragement to be what I wanted. Now I am going back to university to study forensic sciences. I haven't given up on my dreams quite yet. It has just taken longer to get back to it.
The monetary value of one's work is very important (don't get me wrong.) I know we all have bills to pay. We have to help our children to survive. But all we need to do is play with our children and watch what really gets them going. They will let you know, in their own way, which direction they should be going. Besides I believe if we all went into their worlds once in a while we would have a much more even playing field when it comes to understanding them better. I am not a great believer in the Freudian aspect of psychology. We are all too individual to categorize this way.
I also believe that it's never too late. Women may not have gotten the encouragement we needed to reach our goals. But we can if we really want to reach out for them anytime we want. We only have to be willing to work hard to get there. I have never been afraid of work but I fear failure like the plaque. This has held me back to a great degree but if I keep reminding myself not to be afraid of it I usually do pretty good.
The point is we don't have to just exist this way. And we don't have to forget all those things that get our blood flowing. There are many ways we can shoot for our goals again. The next time you find yourself daydreaming about what could have been why not daydream about how it could be.
You may find you can't have the dreams you wanted but there isn't any law that says you can't find a way to do something that gets you going just as much. Redirect some of your hopes and ambitions be flexible and willing to look at all aspects and you should find some satisfaction in your venture.
If you chose to take on this mission I think you will be pleasantly surprised at how many avenues you will open for yourself. I wanted to be a lawyer once a long time ago. But raising a child comes first and the money could only go so far. So I waited. I never had a doubt that I would get back to it but now I find I want the forensics science part of things more than anything else. They all kind of cross each other's paths in a way.
Don't kid yourself into thinking I'm wealthy and can just do these things. I'm an average person struggling along like everyone else. But I do believe we all have hopes and dreams and we all need to reach for them if we can. The trick is to keep your eyes and ears open. Be willing to look at different things in different ways. You will be surprised at what you learn.
I have found out so many aspects of myself in the last ten years. I often wonder if we don't spend most of our lives asleep, just letting the world slide on by. We seem to have walls build around us that limit our thinking and imagination. These walls are to some degree built by us, but to an even greater degree they're built by those who tell us we can't do or be whatever we want.
I have chosen to ignore the walls and I believe that's why I suffer from wanderlust to a great degree. I am it seems never completely satisfied. But I am also always willing to look into something new. And I believe there are a lot of people just like me in this world. Some of us just need a little push here and there.
If you need incentive then here's a little secret I have learnt. Most of my inner power has come from looking for my goals in life. My inner power gives me the insight to what I want and how to get it. Even my sexuality has a good friend there. Learning to control what went on in my world helped me understand what made me happy.
If anyone dares to ask me what turns me on I have a whole long list of things I am not afraid to bring up. I know what turns me on sexually and I know what turns me on about life. Reaching for my goals has given me this. And this insight is power, ladies! Believe me it is a big part of our power. All we have to do is use it wisely. If we use as wisely as we can then everyone will benefit.
Remember to share with your child. Get down and really play with them. It doesn't matter if they are a boy or a girl let them know they can reach for their stars. You will be doing them and yourself a big favor.
I want to venture on next time to the place where we all come to. I call it hostile ville. That place where we find ourselves specifically bitchy with our mates and we're not sure why. I believe we usually have good reason but we don't always see things as they are.
At any rate that's for next chapter. I hope you will join me then.
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