Back to Basics For Women
Part 7
by Cynthia McCaffrey

Who Are You and Why?

I'll bet there's a time in every adult female's life that she finds herself wondering who she is and what the hell does she want out of life. But if you really want to find out who you are then you have to be willing to learn why you are and how you came to be this person. Sounds complicated but it really isn't. Follow along with me and I will try to explain.

We all basically came into this world the same way. We all have hopes and dreams. We all carry them with us hoping as time goes on a few will come true for us. But haven't you ever wondered why you have the dreams and hopes that you personally carry with you? This is all part of your personal make-up. Some of it is attributed to genetics. The rest is basically imprinted by the people, places and events we experience as we are growing up. 

So in actuality right from birth bit by bit we are becoming the person we will eventually present to the world. If you don't like some of the things about yourself then it's a question of understanding how you became this way.

Perhaps then you may see where your ideas or attitudes have come from. Once you understand this you can change a great deal of those things you may not like about yourself.

The reason I am starting this chapter here is to try to get a message across. This message is from me personally. I don't want to hear one more person use the fact that life hasn't been kind as an excuse to be mean cruel or just down right nasty to someone else. 

I don't believe there are any excuses for being a hard person and I don't believe there is any excuse for neglecting ourselves either. 

I want to run away screaming every time my mate or someone else screws up and uses the "I can't help it that's just the way I Am." excuse. First of all if you are enough of an idiot to believe that, then I must apologize for my harsh words. You can't help yourself, I guess. But if you aren't an idiot then you're using selfishness as your ally in life. Shame on you! That's as really sad excuse for any kind of action.

We've all gotten a few hard kicks along the way but we don't all use that as an excuse to be an ass. If anything this should be a good reason you can understand and maybe even give someone a break in your relationship. I'm not trying to lecture as much as I am trying to get my point across.

And what the hell was the point? You ask! The point is if you take a wee bit of understanding and see your mate as just a human. Then perhaps you can take some time to understand yourself. You should take the time to give yourself a break. For you are human too. Believe it or not!

Now if you can take that one step further than you should be able to see what has made you whom you are. And if you don't like a few little things then you can change them. It really is this simple. Take all the psychobabble and trash it. 

We have all over complicated life. Making the world of a woman quite difficult at times. Having been born into the maternal role we sometimes forget to step back and let the world be, as it should. We don't have to be responsible for all things. Let go of the control button for a bit.

When I finally learned how to let things go a bit I honestly felt like a new person. It wasn't easy for me to realize that I didn't have to spend all my restless nights worrying about the whole world. When this idea finally settled in I found I was really enjoying some little extra time for myself.

From that point I became aware I had a whole wide perspective of things I wanted to do. I don't have tons of extra time but I treasure what I have. I now enjoy telling my mate some of the things I enjoy doing. I have even started sharing some of my dreams with him. Dreams and hopes I thought were a bit selfish on my behalf. 

What was truly selfish on my behalf was not sharing. Not sharing the dreams, the hopes and the responsibilities I felt so damn burdened down with. He has been so great about wanting to help me I found myself asking why he was so happy one day. " Cause you need me as much as I need you." He said. As simple as that was, it said it all to me.

From this little path I have taken I have also began to really share some of my other side with him. The side of me that became so buried with work and my family and friends. The side of me that is all woman. Boy has he got his hands full now. I was like a kid in a candy shop. 

One of the reasons I started to worry that women become over burdened wasn't watching all of us try to balance everything. It was watching my beautiful daughter changing my Grand daughter's diaper one day. My darling daughter looked like she had run through the shower forgot all about what make-up was and tossed on whatever clothes she could find.

When I mentioned my concern over her obvious neglect of herself. She laughed and said "Don't ask me when I shaved my legs last." This bothered me even more. My daughter is a really pretty, funny and outgoing person. She is as feminine a woman as you could ask for. But the trick is for her not to forget this for years. Before you know it time rushes on and you suddenly realize you are just plugging along, feeling as if there is no end to it all 'til you die. Okay maybe I'm exaggerating again but it can feel pretty bad.

What I want to know is when was the last time you actually wore some of that nice sexy lingerie you have collected through the years? When was the last time you had a really long bubble bath and relaxed? Or better yet when was the last time you took a little time for a fantasy or two? Yes I am serious. When was the last time you felt the wonderful relief of a hot daydream or two? I'll bet it was so long ago you can't remember. And I'll bet your mate has noticed through time.

As I have said we can find an easy road to self satisfaction but we must be aware of when we start to let it all slip away. Talk to your mate. Ask him if he remembers when things were hot and heavy between you. He'll let you know. And he'll appreciate you asking.

As for you! You will find that if you sit quietly enough and listen to that inner voice, we all have, then you will hear the sensual woman begging you to let her out. Don't be afraid of her. She really isn't a stranger she was just to busy trying to get out from under all the burdens we heap upon ourselves.

If you look at this issue in a wee bit of a bent perspective you may see where that sensual woman is. You may even want to take her out and dust her off. As a matter of fact by letting your mate in on your troubles you may find he is more than willing to help you find her. It means as much to him as it will to you. Beside what have you got to lose? I mean he really will notice and eventually you will too.

In chapter eight I am going to introduce myself properly finally. I haven't been avoiding it. I am proud of who I am and what I do. But I now think the issues call for me to tell you how I have come to be who I am. I would like to try to explain how I have come to write this book and why. It may make things a little clearer for all involved. I hope you will join me next time.

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