Self-gratification and You!
Hello ladies and welcome back! I'm sorry for leaving you kind of hanging around in my last chapter. I am afraid even I get tired of going on and on. I finally came to the conclusion splitting this subject into two categories was a good idea. I may be wrong but I thought it would simplify things rather than making one very long chapter. Besides I feel strongly enough about the issues I deal with in this book that I think some of them deserve two chapters. Self-gratification is one of these subjects.
Now on with the games! Self-gratification is a word that conjures up all kinds of thoughts, and rightfully so. It's a very complicated sexual world we women live in. But as I said in the last chapter, it's a world we can control and enjoy, if we allow ourselves to learn how.
I believe we have to be taught a lot of these things. There is a good reason for this also. We are humans! We aren't other animals who are blessed with the need to only reproduce. We have emotions (well some of us do), and we have needs. Because of this I believe that the only way to satisfy our needs is through knowledge. As I have made very clear I believe women have been to a great degree omitted from this aspect of life. Boys will be boys, but girls must be taught to become young ladies. Now I ask you how fair is that?
Having said that I want to begin with a very basic tip. Drop all the resentment towards the men in your life. Stop blaming someone else if you're not happy and grab hold of this concept. It really isn't the man's fault. If we aren't aware of what we want or need, or if we aren't sharing, then how is this ever going to come to a conclusion? Trust me; it isn't. You will stay frustrated or confused for the rest of your life. Or you can chose to face some facts about who you are and what you really want. Try being honest about one simple sexual idea about yourself. A thought or fantasy that you've never shared. Focus on that for a moment.
Don't worry about seeming dirty or perverted. No one but you will ever know what you're thinking. I want you to be able to take your thoughts or fantasies and be comfortable with them. Understand the feelings you have as natural and normal.
I have to mention that I am not going to the darker side of sexuality. I am by no means an expert on any subject, especially the fine art of some sexual preferences. I feel I can only deal with the basics on this subject. As far as I'm concerned there isn't perversion in adult-based desires as long as consenting adults agree on the game plan. Anything else such as kiddy porn, bestiality, S&M and such areas need to be dealt with professionally. I'm not qualified to give an opinion either way on these subjects. I'll just stick to the basics for us women. I'm a basic kind of gal.
I love toys; they have endless possibilities. The secret is to learn how to be comfortable enough to share your toys with your mate. For years I kept all my little friends hidden away in the back of a dresser draw. I had a hard time learning to share. Then one day I was bugging my mate to tell me his fantasies (I know lots of women do this) and it dawned on me I wasn't being very fair to him or myself. You know the old practice "What's good for the goose is good for the gander." If I wanted him to share I had to make the first move.
I took the plunge and found that for me it's a lot of fun exploring this wonderful new world together. He isn't as comfortable or as open as I am about most things but I realize also this is just the way he is. We are all so unique and special in so many ways. Now if we can only learn to be comfortable with our uniqueness.
Oddly enough more women will shy away from the subject of sex than men do. Men seem to be almost relieved to have someone to talk seriously about it. They are just as confused as we are. But they don't want to be the first bring it up. This is a generalization on my behalf but it seems this way to me.
There are those who are possessed by their sexual needs, the type who never have anything else on their minds. I blame this on low self-esteem, the need to prove their manliness. These actions when looked at can probably be traced back to how this person was given their sexual information as a child. Once again I am not qualified to give advice if this is a problem. But there's always hope. There is a lot to be said for counseling. Don't be afraid to talk to your mate if this is a problem. It can't be any worse than sitting there thinking what's wrong with this picture.
When it comes to the basics of female sexuality the key word is communication. (As with so many things in our lives.) Try to shelf the embarrassment you may have. Remember you share a bed with this person and hopefully you will be sharing it for a long time. You had might as well get comfortable with the idea of sharing all kinds of things.
First we have to learn how to be comfortable with ourselves before we can even think of sharing with someone else. There are a few ways to go about this. I don't have any helpful hints that involve mirrors. I read something about women sitting in a circle, examining themselves intimately with a mirror to see what makes us tick sexually. I'm sorry this isn't my cup of tea, and I'm not sure if I can ever be that open around others. I may be an open kind of person but I won't go that far.
Spirituality and sexuality as I have said do fall hand in hand. I am amazed, as I look into it more how much these two things balance each other, in a healthy sexual relationship. This isn't an over night thing. I am still in the infancy stages of learning but it is pretty basic in its concept. I am learning to say it's okay to myself when it comes to thinking and having the needs I have.
I am alone a lot, as my mate is still driving truck so he's only home twice a week. You would think this is unhealthy for a relationship. Yet this situation has created an opportunity for me to have time to find out what interests me and what I like sexually. I love to read a good steamy book or watch a smutty movie. Honest it's really interesting when you take the time to just watch and kind of dissect the film. I actually take the time to decide what I want to try and what isn't for me. I then share what I've been learning with my mate. Then if he's willing I get to try it out on him. Not all of this has been a success story but for the majority of it we are having fun learning together.
You may think I have an exceptionally open mate. Not the case my friends. He is exceptional of course to me but in reality it wasn't easy for him to open up about his feelings. He's a shy kind of guy.
I however have become an exceptionally curious person and I have had to work hard to get my mate even close to being comfortable with this. Now both he and I are grateful I tried to get some of my needs and desires across to him. In turn I am more than willing to listen and try what he's able to let me know he wants from me. We wouldn't be enjoying what we have now if we hadn't shared our points. I cannot emphasize this enough. Communication will never fail you.
I am once again going to continue along these lines in chapter five. There are a few little secrets I have come across in my travels that I feel are worth sharing. And there are a lot of avenues that our sexuality can take us to. But we all have to want to try. I hope you will join me next time.
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