Having Some Fun!
I am convinced that if more people could learn the fine art of keeping a bit of the inner child in themselves, we would be a more balanced society.
That was a mouthful. But it's exactly how I feel. Too soon we learn the responsibilities of life. Too soon we are taught how to be big girls and boys. No one ever seems to see the sadness of losing our ability to play and have fun. Yet the ability to play and have fun can make the difference in how we handle our adult life situations.
We can keep that wonderful way of shrugging our shoulders and walking away when things just aren't that important, as a child does. Or we can use our stubborn qualities to fight the battles that are really important, as a determined child would.
I'm am afraid I am going to say it again. Men are the worst of the species (in my opinion) for losing the magic of the inner child. You are, even as a small male child, in a hurry to grow up big and strong. Adults actually encourage you to do so. Yet in most societies little girls are told to stay small and child like. A little girl quality in a woman is thought of as appealing. Which could be why men are so very serious in relationships. Once again I must say these are only my opinions.
I am not talking about the little boy going off fishing. Or the one who runs away to do some sort of guys only thing. Those are only escape routes and I don't know that there is so much wrong with them. We all need a hiding place once in awhile.
What I am talking about is the ability to sit on the floor and join a child in his or her games. And really enjoy it just because it's fun and you can forget the world for awhile. I do it all the time. It is a very special world for me and when I have to come back to adult land I feel somehow more able to cope.
I'm not saying we should all take a break from reality. All I'm saying is some of us, maybe more than other's could really use the fine art of simplifying our difficult worlds.
We have become a species of hard working, no nonsense, and very serious individuals. A large amount of us succeed in what we set out to achieve. But at what cost? We come home from work shovel a little food into our mouths and maybe if we can stay awake long enough we might catch the news. What about the rest of life? The time to have fun and relax with our families should come into the picture somehow.
I admire ambition and I deeply honor a man who takes care of his family (as hard as it is today especially). But in the hustle and bustle of careers, mortgages and new vehicles we are losing something of ourselves. The men are the hardest hit in this category but it's also my opinion you guys get shortchanged in a lot of things. This is just another to add to the list.
Your relationships are suffering too. If at the end of the day you can hardly keep your eyes open or your irritated by the wife and kids, your relationship has to be suffering. Which in my mind says you are suffering too. Remember if your partner isn't happy, then no one is truly happy. The same goes for you.
There isn't a set plan for heading off these nasty facts of life. But there are many ways to handle the problems. I say lets all keep a bit of the inner child and carry it with us until we die.
There is nothing wrong with a man who loves trains so much he has a miniature town with a train set running through it in his basement. Having such a passion for planes he loves to go and fly the model type on weekends is healthy. These, my dear friends, are all part of the inner child. Sadly some of us have lost it but it's never too late you can get it back.
My mate is six foot three, two hundred and thirty pounds, but when he sees a bug and lets lose one of his, high pitched screams it only endears him to me. I hear the little boy of long ago, who knew it, was okay to be scared once in a while. I don't want to be his Mom but I know as long as he has that little boy in him he will always enjoy all the special things in life as I do. Off roading, animals, wonderful sunsets and good music are the passions we share but the point is we share and enjoy them.
This is where you guys have really got to start standing up and making some noise. (My opinion again) You have an obligation to try to be a happy, healthy person. An obligation you and your mate share equally. If you are as happy and healthy as you can be then you will be more relaxed, more fun and an all around nicer person to share your life with.
Things will become less stressful for you to deal with and I'll just bet you'll find in a few months you'll be wondering what you were getting so stressed out about in the first place.
Now the little boy in you does not give you license to run amuck. Behaving as a child and dumping all responsibilities isn't what I'm saying here. Moderation is very important in all things. I'm sure you realize that.
If you're the type who has never been able to let loose then don't shock your mate into thinking you've become unstable. Do not start running around from toy store to toy store searching for just the right toys or hobbies. Let your mate in on your feelings. (Yes even if you have to talk about them) Remember everyone has their limitations so don't go over board.
It shouldn't be embarrassing to say you need to have some fun. Who knows your mate may be even thinking along those lines themselves. We are all human with needs and little delights can make a whole day shine for us if we let it.
The alternative to not letting yourself find your inner child is sad. The relationship suffers first. We have to work to support our loved ones and we have to be good to compete in this world. Those are facts of life. But if we can somehow walk gently and not run full tilt maybe we won't lose so much of the child.
Personally I can spot a sad human from a mile away. Men tend to be withdrawn and sulky. (Yes I said sulky, sorry guys but it's true.) You come home tired, worn to the bone, with absolutely no desire to do a damn thing but sit in front of a TV. The impression is you don't want to be bothered and that is usually how you are treated by those in your life.
Eventually you will find you are resenting this way of life. Your mate will know by your attitude you aren't happy but they may not know what to do about it. Your discontentment can infringe into the bedroom where you're just too tired to care as much as you should. Your mate will soon lose interest if this is the case. No one wins.
How can you find your inner child you ask? Well let's try this! Share what you want and be reasonable as I have said. Take the time to open your eyes wide and sit really still as child does. Listen to the sounds of your family or mate as they move about in your life. Do you hear anything different? If you listen and watch carefully you will be amazed at how the things that have been going on around you seem different somehow.
I do this whenever I have a chance to spend time with a small child. I have been known to just sit down beside them and watch what they're doing for a while. I have become the best at building block houses and I am a pro at food fights. My heart still skips a little at a sunset or the sighting of the full moon. I am not ashamed to treat my pets as if they were children. They are very helpful for my work and bring hours of love and fun to my life. I am proud of my inner child.
I encourage my mate to share my love of life with me. This is why we are a team. Otherwise I would rather live in my world alone. I even have my small stuffed bears who each have their own hand made wardrobes. My mate finds them in his travels and I design and sew the little clothes. (There is bears every where, biker bears, trucker bears, old bear's and baby bears. I need more room!) We have a lot of fun with it, anyway.
The point is we share. Recently I looked at my mate and saw something that worried me. He was allowing himself to become old. He wasn't smiling that much anymore, he wasn't ready to have the fun we have always shared together. (If he was a pet his days would have been numbered, I'm afraid)(Just kidding it wasn't that bad) The sex was becoming hit and miss. More miss sometimes than hit. It was so gradual and I was too busy to see what was going on so I just looked up and it was there one day. He should have been letting me know he was having a problem too. But for whatever reasons it was happening.
My mate works out of town and travels constantly. My way of thinking is, he should be happy to see me twice a week and we should both have lots to share about our different worlds. But he was coming home miserable and always at the ready to criticize my actions. Sex was as I said hit and miss. Besides if your feeling resentful it's hard to want to even have sex at the time. So everything was suffering. Being the kind of person I am I had to go about setting things right but I was in the dark as to what the problem was.
After much sidestepping I was finally able to get some solid answers from him. The first on the list was he was getting old. Hell yes he's getting older so am I (I'm older than he is actually) but that doesn't mean all the good old days are gone never to be again. At least it doesn't have to.
Make some new good old days I told him. Go skinny-dipping or run around in the park, climb a tree even! Just for the hell of it.
Remember your sense of humor while you're at it. Remember how good it felt to really laugh and just exist for a little while. Some of my most fun was in the middle of a meal and he has wienied me with his hot dog just because.
After I started to get a handle on how he was feeling it wasn't all that easy to help him. I will admit that we depend a lot on his income and he was driven by the dependence. Which is the kind of responsibility that started this in the first place.
I also had to admit that rather than having the new washer and dryer or the fancy clothes and jewelry I wanted him to keep his inner child intact. I don't want to be with a grumpy old man when I'm eighty. I want to be with the Grandpa Walton type (I always loved that character) If this is what I want I had better be willing to give a little to allow him the time to be the little boy he should be at times.
Try to see where the two of you can trim things if need be to fit in a little more freedom. This is where communication is really important. You have to be realistic and fair. And you have to let your needs be known. The world is never going to revolve around each and every one of us but we are a part of it and our happiness counts too. No matter whom we are.
Don't be surprised if your partner has a few fun ideas of his or her own. If you have children look to them to teach you how to have a little fun. Children have a wonderful outlook on fun and life in general.
Have fun and finding the child in you doesn't have to cost a fortune. A day in the park is cheap entertainment. A picnic is great fun. Or a construction hobby of some sort you all can join in on is fun also. If you want to just sit and do your own thing by yourself this is fine too. Remember the end result is supposed to be less stress and a happier you. Everyone will see the difference but most of all you will feel the difference in yourself.
©2002 StoriesByEmail.com
|
