Pay Attention To Your World!
It has come to my attention that some of you gentlemen aren't really paying attention to what is going on in your world. If you were paying attention there wouldn't be so many of those surprises in your life. Like the one you get when your told you have half an hour to get ready to go to your in-laws and you have already made plans with the boys. This argument usually ends up with the famous " You never told me about that!"
I want to know why aren't you paying attention? Do you not realize you are short-changing yourself in so many ways? Do you not realize that you are leaving yourself open to all kinds of trouble by not listening and watching to what is going on around you?
You are also losing out on knowing and learning about your mate. For most of you, you didn't fall for a ninny who was unable to express herself. You found her interesting at one point. So what has changed?
I have had mates who thought it was funny to pretend they were deaf at times. And I have gotten very tired of relationships where the main excuse to screwing up was " Gosh honey sorry I guess I wasn't paying attention. Ha, ha!"
It is my opinion that there aren't any excuses for making the same silly mistakes over and over again. This kind of behavior only says you show a total lack of interest in what is going on around you. To your mate it may say you are showing a lack of caring about your relationship.
When you don't pay attention you are also being very unfair to your mate. Your mate could very well have some input that would probably be of value to both of you at times. If only someone would take the time to listen!
I know sharing your life with an inattentive person can be so frustrating it makes you not want to put in an effort. This too is simply destructive to any relationship. When one of you comes to this point nobody wins.
It's funny to watch a couple on a sitcom where the hubby sits and pretends he is listening and the nut case wife runs around chirping away like a bird. Not making much sense to us but chirping away anyhow. It's funny to watch but not to exist in.
As a woman (at least I was the last time I looked) I can testify that if I start calling my mate nasty names or insulting his mother just to see if he's listening, the end is not too far away. The ladies glancing through this will know what I mean.
It's frustrating enough to have an argument. To have an argument that eventually ends with " Well I never heard you say that!" can be the most frustrating thing in the world. Those few little words say a lot to your mate. Most of all they say you simply aren't paying attention.
Here a little secret for you to ponder. Most women in this world are able to do what is called multi tasking. Multi tasking is the ability to do many things at once. For example it makes my mate crazy when he watches me write my column as I bounce a baby on my lap (I find I write better this way) and having a conversation with him.
When he questions me I always know what he was saying. He truly does have my attention at all times. I function this way naturally and would find my life very complicated if I didn't. I need to multi task to make my world run as smooth as possible.
However there is a very dark secret to this ability. Men, you are not born with the natural ability to do this. Women have it because we are born caretakers. It is natural for women to try to see all and hear all that we must. We care for the young of our species and throughout time are responsible for their welfare. Therefore we are born, most of us are that is (I have met a few exceptions to this), are born capable of multi tasking to survive.
To expect you to be able to do this when you haven't been taught is unfair and unreasonable. But some women don't realize that men aren't born with this instinct. It isn't a factor you would really think about if it is pointed out to you. Perhaps you could point it out for your mate.
Here is another little point to ponder' gentlemen. What do you think we are going to start doing the minute we're sure you aren't paying attention? We defiantly don't sit and wait for you to be attentive. We will wait our chance and use this factor to the best of our ability. This isn't a bad thing it is simply human nature to take advantage of the moment.
By taking advantage I mean testing you to prove you weren't listening or paying attention. It's great sport to be able to prove you're right in an argument. Not too many people are going to let the opportunity slide by.
So I ask again why, oh why would you leave yourself in this position? Your are disarming yourself and giving up a lot of ammunition to your mate. Strategically you're actually ambushing yourself when you think about it.
Try this, the next time you find your fading off to where ever you go when you should be paying attention. Try actually looking in your mate's eyes and listen with open ears to what is being said to you.
I can go even further and suggest you could even try to express how you feel about the subject at hand in a calm manor. Whether you agree or not, just try it for the fun of it. I bet the look and response you get back should be enough to give you a chuckle.
If you come away with a chuckle my friend then you had better be concerned too. Your mate's response will tell you if you're doing your fair part in this. You could be missing out on a lot.
It has always been a pet peeve of mine when a man or a woman comes out of a relationship badly and says " I didn't know there was anything wrong!" Bull! If you are paying attention chances are you'll be able to head of or at least notice any problems there may be on your home turf.
I truly mean any criticism in my writing to be kind and not cruel. I am saddened when I see a man sitting back and settling for what life is dealing out. Rather than pay attention to what is going on.
So please fellas pay attention to your world and give a damn. Don't be afraid to listen to what is being said and responding to it. There are way too many nice guys out there, settling rather than facing their needs and dealing with them.
As a woman I will take it upon myself to tell you. We need every nice guy we have and we need to be listened also. Just as much as you need someone to listen to you and care!
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