What To Do When You Get Into Trouble!
There will come a time when you will find yourself in some kind of trouble no matter what you do. It is only human to find that you have once again stepped in it so to speak. The tricky part is getting your self out of it. Hopefully once you are out of it you have learnt something about staying out of trouble in your relationship.
There is a certain amount of finesse in handling some situations. I am always amazed at how a small thing can be blown up into a huge argument because of a callous attitude. There is nothing that can fuel a fire like someone being a jerk to someone else and then giving off a " I really could care less." attitude.
This kind of behavior makes people crazy.
If you have done something that hurts or annoys your mate it is only common sense to care enough to say your sorry. Otherwise be ready for the negative response you will be receiving.
Here is a helpful little tid bit for you. Do not ever expect your mate to be happy with an apology that has taken a three-day fight to get out of you. This will not count as a real sincere act. And I can guarantee you will know the other half of your team is not happy with you.
There can be a lot of things that help you wander down the road to trouble in your relationship. There is the, "I forgot the anniversary" oops. Or I forgot some important occasion. This one is bad, try really hard not to ever be guilty of this offence. To some women if her mate forgets important dates it means he doesn't spend a lot of time thinking about her.
Lets assume you have gone and forgotten, don't give up the ship just yet! You have a few ways to go here. You could try being very honest and admit to your crime. Your honesty will not go unnoticed but feelings will still be hurt.
To soften the blow try presenting a flower as a peace token when admitting your guilt. All the while admitting to your callousness if that's what it was.
While you're trying to get out of this one I have a suggestion. Why not try to understand that by being callous and brushing off the important dates that matter to her, you are saying you have a "I don't give a damn" attitude. Not giving a damn may seem like it's okay for you but obviously it isn't for her. If it was she wouldn't be angry would she?
If you really don't care about these things, then once again you should be speaking your mind. If you are in trouble it is because your mate does care about these issues and you don't seem to. Your trouble may be far deeper than just forgetting the occasion. The fact that you are on the opposite sides of the fence means you don't know each other as well as you probably should.
If you are honestly forgetful you had better confess and allow your mate to decide what she wants to do in regards to this. I found I was getting angry with my mate for forgetting. When I was informed he really had forgotten I had to decide if I was going to remind him when the occasions came around. Or was I going to be willing not to get angry if he did forget when he wasn't reminded. I decided I would mark the calendar at the beginning of each year and then there wasn't any excuse for forgetting.
To continue on with the trouble you may find your self in. Here is a big one, locker room talk. Whether it is joking or not you know this is just a bad idea. It isn't that women don't do it. It's just that women are much more delicate about what goes on in their locker rooms. That's why the men don't think women really have locker room talks, you never see it haunting us like it can if your not careful
A simple cure for this kind of trouble is, don't trash talk, unless you don't mind getting it all thrown back at you. If you hurt your mate in this way it will not easily be forgotten. Some women have been known to get down right nasty when their honor has been compromised. A woman likes to know her honor is safe with the man she shares her life with. Otherwise she won't feel she can trust you.
If your mate feels they can't trust you there is once again going to be problems. These trust issue problems will become far greater than the little bit of chuckling you may have heard in the locker room when you were shooting off your mouth. So a really good idea would be, as I have said, just don't do it!
If you have somehow committed this offence be ready to own up. Stand up and take it like a man. There is a place way down that is telling you it serves you right. I would advice you really let your mate know if you feel bad about have a big mouth. It depends on the person but most people like to know if you realize even a little bit how they are feeling. This may soften the blow.
Buying presents is another one of those things you should be careful about. Do you have really bad taste? It isn't a crime to admit you don't have a clue what to get for those, all-important occasions. At least by admitting you are present idea challenged you are giving your mate some warning.
Every woman I know has been given the ultimate horror gift at least once in her life. Some of us will suffer silently and allow you to think you have succeeded in pleasing us. Some of us will be honest (gently I hope) and let you know we need to exchange the offending gift.
My personal favorite is the girls who have enough fairness in them to let you know how they feel and suggest you ask a mutual friend or some such person to help you when you are buying the gift. These are very smart girls. They are guaranteeing they will like their gifts in the future and they are trying to make sharing a life with you a happy affair.
If you think you have good taste and she disagrees then it may be simply a case of different personalities. Don't be offended if this is true. Try to be a little more sensitive towards your mate's tastes and forget about what you would like at that time. Remember a happy gift receiver is a fun person to be around. I know it sure brightens up my world to receive a thoughtful gift.
If your sex life has suffered from some wrong doing on your behalf please don't think this problem will just fade away. As with any problems I really recommend dealing with what ever it is right away. If you ignore this problem you will find it will begin to manifest itself in many ways. Distance between the two of you is the worst of these. If a couple becomes distant it is very difficult to find the same path together again. It can be done but it is very difficult.
If you have done something to harm your sex life in some way, flowers or candy or a dinner out isn't going to solve the problem or the trouble you may be in. I would advice sitting down and talking to your mate. There is far too many offences that could cause this problem for me to list, but if you are in trouble with this issue then it is best to meet it head on. Let your mate have a chance to vent whatever anger she may have if she has a right to do be angry. Let her know you are willing listen to her at least. It will help.
If you are sitting and talking this should tell you the door is open a little bit. If you want to deal with the problem don't be happy with kissing and making up. Be happy with kissing and making up when you are sure you aren't going to get into trouble for this again. Then you can go and buy some flowers or such. It will be appreciated much more this way.
It should be written some where that ' All Mankind, Be True To what you say!' I am so very tired of seeing people hurt by others not meaning what they say. The bedroom isn't the only place things are said and not meant. Men will sometimes agree to things and not for one second mean what they say. I fail to understand this behavior.
If you don't like the smell of her perfume for God sake say so. To fail to do this is sentencing yourself to a lifetime of smelling the damn stuff and it will be your own fault. Or worse yet you will slip up someday and the truth of how you feel on things will come out. Then you are in trouble again. So when you are asked your opinion, be honest but be kind. You may stay out of trouble this way.
The really bad ones like saying, "I love you." and not meaning it is a little nastier to deal with. My vote here would be, "Don't say it. Unless you mean it!" but we all know that doesn't always happen.
If you are guilty of saying things you don't mean then I would advice confess! Any kind of a human being has got to be aware of the fact that doing stuff like this is cruel. People get hurt. So when you have offended try to take into account you are dealing with a human just like yourself.
But I believe it is better to look at the one next to you and tell the truth about what you said the night before. Whether it was the heat of passion or just a mental lapse be honest but kind. Any other action or lack of action speaks only of a coward, in my opinion.
A friend told me a story about her boyfriend quitting smoking and becoming a real jerk to her in front of a whole bunch of people. She was so angry she wanted to give him a hard time right there but she didn't want to seem as childish as he was being. When they got home she had cooled off but was still hurt by his behavior.
When they got home he ran her a bath and asked her to take her time in the tub. She came out to a nice dinner and a shame faced companion. He winked at her and said, " I was never very good at saying I'm sorry." My heart holds hope for a relationship when a man can in one way or the other admit his is wrong.
If you have a hard time admitting you are wrong about something that means you are a stubborn person. This is not necessarily the end of any hopes for a good relationship. This only means you have to recognize you are stubborn and find other ways of dealing with those times that you should be saying your sorry.
If you can't say it at least try to show it. It really matters to people when you show you care that you have slighted them. A simple card or small gift given with a good attitude would help. Find a gesture or a wink that lets your partner know you are aware you have offended them. Learning ahead of time to do this will help keep you out of trouble. Learning to do it after will help too.
Never assume that because you communicate openly with your partner you will be forgiven anything. This way of thinking will get you in trouble every time. Never assume that because she loves you she will forgive you anything. This would be unfair to her and you. Both parties would loose.
There are a few things in all relationships that will end things. It all depends on what kind of relationship you have. Infidelity can ruin things. As can abuse of any kind. There are a whole lot of things that can be done that will destroy your domain.
My advice to all people when it comes to getting yourself out of trouble is this. Deal with the issues as fast as you can. Be fair and just in your dealings.
Remember you are dealing with a friend in your relationship not a foe. And above all things be honest with your mate and yourself.
I don't know if any of this has been of any help in getting you out of trouble. I hope it has in some way. And I hope you can join me once again in chapter six.
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