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Dear Prof Taltos,
I was wondering when is it okay to tell someone to kiss my fuzzy tailbone? I have this man at work who can't seem to come with-in three yards of me, and he starts coming out with the most male chauvinistic comments you can imagine.
I've tried replying with my own come backs, but it makes me sound like a bitch. Do you have an idea how to get this creep to behave at work? It's really making me mad.
Angie
Dear Angie,
First a little piece of advice. Never ever allow yourself to be drawn into an argument with a chauvinist. I have learnt from personal experience that you can’t win with a chauvinist, a bigot or a redneck. You can’t win because they like the way they are so don’t even try to change them.
There’s two ways of going about this issue. You could lower yourself to his level and duke it out vocally. As you have said this tends to make the woman seem cheap and as vulgar as the offender. This way usually does make the woman seem the bitch, but it’s a great way to vent. There are a certain kind of individual who only respond to being met on even ground. Similar to the school bully they tend to back down when finally confronted.
The second way to handle this problem is to not mess around with him. You may have to make some waves in order to find some peace in your work place. If the offence is serious enough, I suggest you take it to your superior. Being a whistle blower is a real crappy way to have to go, but if he isn’t going to see reason you may have no choice in the matter.
Let it be known you are aware of your rights and if necessary you will use them. Then let it be known you would rather just call it a draw as long as he stopped with the verbal abuse.
The one thing you shouldn’t do is let it slide. There were a whole bunch of women before you came along and there will be a whole bunch more after you. It’s up to you what kind of environment your work place has.
I know there are a whole lot of my readers that will say I’m not being fair. Expecting you to be the whistle blower is asking too much and all that kind of stuff.
To those I say “Wake up and smell the coffee.” If we don’t start doing something about the things that really pick our rears then we deserve to be suffering. Women are going to have to stand on their own when it comes to sexual discrimination. One by one we have to eliminate our workplaces of these kinds of individuals. If we simply sit and let this kind of behavior carry on, we are only sending out the message that we will allow ourselves to be victims. So stop whining ladies and get to business.
That’s my advice Angie I hope it helps.
Prof. Taltos
Dear Pro. Taltos,
I’ve recently gotten married for the second time. He’s been married before, also. We don’t have children and are talking about perhaps starting our family now. I’m thirty-four and he’s thirty-six. My problem is he has become a real grumpy person since we tied the knot. He complains constantly about everything I do. This change is really affecting us badly. I don’t understand why this happens. Is there any way to make him happier at home? I want to get things on a better track before I get pregnant.
Georgia
Dear Georgia,
Listen to me very carefully, please Georgia! Do not get pregnant right now. I don’t care if it means abstaining from sex until this matter is dealt with: don’t you dare get pregnant with these type of issues in your relationship. It wouldn’t be fair to you or a child.
I got the impression this wasn’t the first time this has happened to you. You said, “I don’t know why this happens.” This makes me think you may have one of two problems.
You may be unconsciously choosing men with the same character flaws, over and over again. This kind of behavior can be very destructive as you keep finding yourself on the losing end of the stick.
Take a look at the patterns of your romances; you should be able to see similarities. If this behavior makes you unhappy, then it’s time to focus on you and what you need to be happy in this lifetime. It isn’t selfish to want to be as happy as your mate. If you’re not happy, those around you won’t be either. My Mother told me that once, and my Mom was always right!
On the flip side of the coin you may be a contributing factor to this in a way. Sometimes we make people change with the manor we treat them. If he feels put out or neglected, he may feel resentful towards you. If this is a possibility then you need to spice things up a little and show him you still feel the magic. It’s easy to become too busy, too tired or too indifferent to work on our relationships. Realistically I believe the hard part is keeping the magic in the relationship.
I honestly can’t say what your problem is since I don’t have a lot of information to go on. What I can tell you
is to talk to your mate. I’m sure people are tired of me saying it, but I’ll say it
again: we need to communicate if we want good, sound relationships. The only way you will ever know why your mate does what he does is to ask him.
He may not want to talk. He may think there isn’t a problem to talk about. If you’ve taken the time to write to me, then it’s important to you and that’s what counts. Your mission now is to get him to understand how important it is to you. Besides you never
know: your mate may be as troubled by this as you are. As I said the only way is to talk about it.
Let me know how you do, Georgia
Prof. Taltos
I think I will close for now. Keep the e-mails coming proftaltos@yahoo.ca. I’d really like to hear from my cyber-sex friends. Let me know how you’re doing. I’m so damn busy I don’t get a chance to visit the chats rooms very often.
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