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Dear Prof.
I’m in a bind. My girlfriend found out I was seeing her best friend. Now she wants to call off the relationship. How can I explain to her that I made a big mistake, and I don’t want anyone else?
I sent her flowers. I’ve called, and she hangs up. Last night I even tried singing to her window, but it was too cold outside so I had to leave.
She says she’ll never go out with me again. What should I do? I really want this girl back.
Jim
Dear Jim,
Forgive me for saying it, but what the hell is wrong with you? You’re actually surprised a woman won’t stay around for round
two? Here’s a news flash for you: there're a lot of women who won’t stick around to see if you’re going to cheat again. Once is more than enough for most ladies these days. The female of our species has actually begun to evolve into a beautiful, much needed, equal partner in relationships.
I’m going to be as kind to you as you were to your girlfriend. For crying out loud you blew it! She’s gone, and that’s something you are going to have to live with. She has to live with the pain of you cheating, and you have to live without her. I can’t be more point-blank than that. Now buck up and be a man about it! This is a simple case of being responsible for your own actions. There’s an amazing amount of adults that just don’t get it when it comes to consequences.
I suggest next time you have a girlfriend, perhaps it would do you good to remember exactly how you feel right now.
Professor Taltos
Dear Prof. Taltos,
Hi and Happy New Year!
Did you make any new years resolutions? My wife and I have made one: we decided to not fight so much. I’m sorry to say we have broken it already. We had a big fight over where to go for dinner last night. It seems she thinks I don’t pay attention to her when she tells me stuff.
I would like to go on the record and say publicly I think she has fallen on her pointy little head! I pay attention to every word she says. She was the one that said she preferred our usual restaurant over any of the others we’ve gone to lately. She even made the reservations the last time we went there. It was only logical for me to assume she would like to go there for dinner.
It seems I haven’t fine-tuned my psychic skills lately. If I was on top things, I should have, of course, known that she now hates the restaurant.
I swear, Prof. Taltos, I wanted to take her big ears in my hands and rip them off her goofy looking body. She has for the last time humiliated me in front of our friends. If you read this Carol, I hope you realize we are at war!
Thanks Prof. I feel much better.
Gary
Dear Gary,
Hold the phone, buddy! Have you ever seen War of the Roses? If you haven’t seen the movie, you should. You could probably relate to it.
Do you really want your wife to see this? Oh I’m sorry, it’s too late. I can’t resist the urge to make you sweat over your e-mail until you manage to delete this. Besides, Gary, I think it serves you right. You know damn well you don’t really mean the things you’ve said here. And you know damn well you love your wife.
I have to give you bonus points, however, for creativity. Even my mate hasn’t gone as far as you have. We usual draw the line at public humiliation, since both of us feel it’s not fair. Personally I don’t think there a darn thing wrong with an occasional ambush from your
mate; it keeps you oneyour toes.
You don’t need advice, Gary; you need to watch your back, my friend.
Good luck buddy!
Professor Taltos
Dear Prof Taltos,
I’m not one to complain, but my wife is a slob. She hates housework and goes about it all wrong. Sometimes I watch her, and I find myself wondering if she’ll ever be a good housekeeper. We’ve been married for ten years and only have three kids, ages six, eight,
and ten. My Mom had six kids and a job at nights, but our home was never messy. My Dad came home to a hot meal and peace of mind after work. We were all in bed when she left for work, but there was always a hot breakfast for us every morning.
I come home to a messy house and a bawling kid and a wife that does nothing but bitch. Is there some way for me to light a fire under her lazy butt and get some work out of
her?
Thanks Prof.
Sam.
Tisk, tisk, tisk, Sam, this is really bad! I’m starting to wonder if someone isn’t putting me on. I don’t think I’ve ever heard from so many jackasses in my life. Since I’m such a good sport I’ll answer this but you aren’t going to like it, not one bit!
Here’s my take on this, I don’t know if it will help or if your beyond hope, but I’ll try.
My hat is off to your Mother. She was a typical woman of the fifties. Today however I think even your dear old Mom would have a hard time keeping up the pace with most of the women today. Things have changed a lot in the last decade or so, and a woman has to really hustle to keep up. The same can be justly said for those few remaining
mommies that can stay home with the babies. Keeping a house and running after two little ones (I assume your oldest is in school) is a full-time job.
In my opinion you really are the horse's butt! Why don’t you stop whining and give your wife a hand? Help her with the dishes or keep the children busy for a while. That would be a good start. If I was your wife, you’d be working right along with me. It doesn’t matter what the job is, if you see something that needs doing then just do it. Perhaps your wife will find she has some spare time for you, not that you deserve it.
Here’s my advice to you! On your way home from work buy the lady some flowers (carnations are my personal favorite); she deserves them!
Professor Taltos
I think I’ve taken up enough of your time for now. Before I say good-night I wanted to mention that I am beginning my third semester on cyber-sex at the end of January. The lesson plan will be a twenty chapter in depth study of cyber-sex 102. I hope to see you all in your usual seats for the beginning of this program.
Keep the e-mails coming proftaltos@yahoo.ca.
Take care all.
Professor Taltos
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