Worried Mom and Dad
Dear Aunt Cynthia,
I am a proud Father of a 12-year-old daughter; she’s really a good kid, but I’m concerned about one of her young male friends. The boy is grubby looking and hasn’t any manners. I have always encouraged my child to have her friends come over to our house. I prefer to know where she is and what she’s doing. This young man however doesn’t like to visit her at home. He seems to always be coming up with things for them to do that take her away from home.
I’m not sure, but I’m beginning to worry that he may be pushing her to either have sex or at least get into some heavy petting. Jamie (my daughter) is a pretty level- headed kid. Generally she comes to me or her Mom for advice. Lately, however, she clams up when we try to talk to her
My wife is sitting here with me as we write this letter together, and she’s just as worried as I am over this situation. We’ve always tried to instill trust in our child, and we sure don’t want to push her away, but I feel we should push the issue a little and ask her how far she has gone and if sex is becoming an issue with her.
Can you give us a bit of helpful advice on how to handle this situation without alienating our child?
Thanks
Worried Mom and Dad in Saskatchewan
Dear Mom and Dad,
First of all I would like to say, hello Canucks! I always get a kick out of hearing from fellow countrymen.
As for your young lady, I just want to say congratulations on a job well done! It’s never easy when these situations come up. I think we hate to see our sweet innocent baby, who we all know we wish would stay pure forever, growing into a sexually aware young adult. I think 12 is usually a bit too young to be worrying about sex, but there are some very mature 12-year-olds out there.
If you want to protect your child, you have to keep them informed about the things that concern them a long the way. With each stage of her life your child will need to know they can turn to you. I don’t think it’s too pushy if you let her know this.
It’s important that your child knows they have a good source of helpful info concerning sex. Don’t keep it a secret and then try to heap all the info on them at once. If there's any hope of your child becoming a well-rounded young adult, you have to be clear and concise on the subject.
I suggest you brush up on what’s going on in the world sexually. Remember, the times they are a changing. Just as with our parents, sexuality and sexual attitudes change with each new generation. The parents’ job is to be on top of things and ready when the time comes to discuss this with your child.
Being prepared doesn’t necessarily mean everything is going to turn up roses. It simple means you will be able to communicate with your child and hopefully get the message out that you are approachable if they want to discuss things with you.
As uncomfortable as this may be for some parents, I believe if a child knows they can talk to their parents, they are less likely to have some of the problems teens and young adults have these days.
You will have to decide what’s acceptable behavior for your child and be ready to stand by the rules. Try to remember to cover all the bases without treating your child like an idiot. They will learn a lot from their peers, but I think we all know how scary that can be. In my opinion the parents are solely responsible for the giving of information when it comes to sex, and nobody else. I realize there are a lot of people who will argue this one with me. But as I said this is my opinion; take it as you will.
Good luck to you and your family
Aunt Cynthia
Keep the e-mails coming: askauntcynthia@storiesbyemail.com
Aunt Cynthia
©2004 StoriesByEmail.com
|
