Ask Aunt Cynthia
by Cynthia McCaffrey

Touchy Issues

Dear Aunt Cynthia,

Where do you stand on abortion? I made the mistake of bringing the subject up the other night. A co-worker is having a problem with his teen daughter, and it made me wonder about the man’s stand in things. My wife and mother-in-law were horrified when I told them I was pro-choice. They said I was simply taking the easy way out of the argument. I'm not trying to take any way out. I really do believe a woman should have a choice. I thought I was doing the right thing by talking about it. But they (my wife and mother-in-law) say a man doesn’t have a say in this matter at all; it’s a woman’s problem. I think men have as much right as a woman regarding the abortion issue. Is this somehow a male chauvinist belief, or are they not understanding my point.

Any suggestions?

Thank you, keep up the good work we really enjoy your work.

A Reader

Dear Reader,

Hummm now there’s a good question! Where do I stand? I’m pro-choice all the way and proud of it. I’ve been called to honor my beliefs, and I have stood by them. However my experience was on a very personal level; everyone’s experiences are different. The decisions I made were hard, but they were the right ones for me.

I’d really like to see a world where all women had choices. It doesn’t make things any easier for the woman in question, but at least she can decide what is best for her. In many parts of the world, women can only dream of what it would be like to make her own decisions concerning her body and what happens to it. I have a hard time imagining what a horrible existence this must be.

Being pro-choice doesn’t exempt a person from the responsibilities in their relationship. I believe the only decent thing a woman should do is discus things with her mate. Generally speaking most women didn’t get pregnant alone. It only goes to follow that the other half of the equation should share responsibility for the final decision. Pro-choice doesn’t mean the man has fewer rights than a woman. It means you both have choices; none of them will be easy. Hopefully together you can come to a decision you both can live with.

As for the rest of your e-mail, good grief man, you can’t possible think that your opinion could be in any way construed as chauvinistic. The complete opposite is true. I wish more men took an active role in their spouse’s lives. Too many women become a distant stranger to their mates, simply because women don’t share their feelings. The fact that you sit and openly debate these subjects tells me you don’t shy away from being involved with what’s going on around you. It also tells me your mate probably feels pretty comfy coming to you with her trials in life.

Sadly I think many women are guilty of not sharing their troubles with their mates. This kind of attitude (not sharing our troubles) comes from years of women being taught to toughen up. Generations of women have been conditioned to believe their problems were their own. It was even rumored men didn’t care what was wrong in their mates lives, and they would soon leave if confronted with problems too often. Therefore it isn’t surprising that women keep so much to themselves.

I’m not bitter, honestly I’m not. It saddens me however when I think of the troubles and heartache my mother had to endure on her own. My mother was a wise woman who made sure her children grew up independent and self-confident. In teaching me these things, my Mother ensured I would never settle for anything less in life than an honest, openly communicative relationship. I have also been blessed with a life mate that encourages me to share my good as well as my bad with him. I believe these things are this way because I grew up expecting nothing less in my relationships. It all comes from what we are willing to teach our children and how we’re getting the messages across to them.

And now that I’ve prattled on forever I finally want to say; I’m delighted to hear from a man who isn’t afraid to face some of the issues of today. I know how tough some of these issues can be. For many of our life problems there isn’t right or wrong answer. It simply a question of what works best for each individual relationship. By keeping the lines of communication open couples are simply making things a little bit easier for themselves.

So, bravo to you my friend keep up the good work and thank you for taking the time to share with the rest of us.

Aunt Cynthia.

Well I think that’s enough food for thought for this week. I’m still looking to hear from any of you who have had trouble with the authorities concerning your child. So keep the e-mails coming, askauntcynthia@storiesbyemail.com and we shall meet again next week.

Bye for now.

Aunt Cynthia

©2004 StoriesByEmail.com

Connecticut