The Times They Are Changing
Dear Aunt
Cynthia,
How long
should a time out be?
New Mom
Dear New Mom,
Very good question! Too bad there isn’t any one standard
rule to length of time for time outs. Yes I said it, and I will stand by the
statement! I have gone completely cross-eyed reading websites, surfing through
pediatricians. I have come across many suggested toddlers times outs. I have
even braved the pages of dear old Dr. Spock, (no not the Vulcan), and it seems to
me there simply isn’t one firm answer to your question.
What I will tell you is my idea of what a time out should be. I’ll let you
decide what you want to do.
First take all the books and all the helpful advice pamphlets
and just set them aside for now. You thought I was going to tell you to throw
them out, didn’t you? Completely the opposite is true. I think we’ve come a
long way in child physiology and understanding what makes our children tick. We
also have a long way to go. We need to better understand our children simply in
order to help them evolve along with the rest of the world.
For the sake of our children, parents have to realize the
world has only taken its first baby steps into the waiting arms of
‘cyber-land’. We’ll find our children able to learn more at a faster rate
than we ever imagined. This also means we have to teach our children to,
somehow, find ways to fit in and be able to compete along with the rest of their
peers, and yet not become a burnout before they’re forty.
When parents ask for my advice, I usually tell them
understanding the child is great, but know when to put the books away and use
some common sense of your own. Realize that when it comes to children they are
all unique little individuals; no two are ever the same. Therefore each reward,
each bedtime, each snack and each time out has to be in accordance to the type
of child you are dealing with. Now here’s the kicker; this means you have to
spend the time getting to know your child.
I don’t mean to sound flip. I can only imagine how hard it
can be to find the time to do this. I was lucky. When my daughter was born, my Mom
was my daycare. She was a wonderful Grandma, and she was free! I see these poor
Moms and Dads today, juggling diaper bags and strollers, buckling up seat
belts and heading off to daycare. I can only stand by and feel sorry for those
new parents who run home from work after the daycare, picking up something for
dinner along the way. I get tired just thinking about it, and I won’t insult
your intelligence by saying, well just find the time to spend with your child,
as if it was something you have never thought about. I don’t know how you can
find the time or where you would get the energy, but if you can, give your child
a bit of time each day and get to know them. It will be time well spent, and I
can guarantee you won’t be disappointed.
I find common sense helps a lot when dealing with children;
try not to over-complicate your time with them. Once again I say, if you can,
sit down on the floor and play with your child. I find when I do this I get a
much better insight into they’re world. I have to admit I have been blessed
with an ability to really enjoy an hour or two of building play farms and
clowning around with the children. I
always come away from play time feeling more relaxed and ready to deal with the
adult world. It helps to be a bit of an overgrown kid yourself.
Remember that, as much as each child is a unique and complex
creature, they are also innocent little things. Their only source of
information and guidance comes from the adults they look up to. It
takes a fair, loving but firm hand to guide a child down the right path of life.
This isn’t a small responsibility.
Anyone who knows me knows how much I deplore the idea of
spanking a child. I will be the first to admit however that I believe there is
definately a time when a spanking is called for, as in the child doesn’t listen
and almost runs out into the street. I may not win a popularity poll for my
attitude, but that’s how I feel.
I have to admit that if I’m subjected to one more Mother
trying to reason with an already hysterical toddler by pleading with them, I’m
going to cry right there on the spot. For the sake of my sanity and probably a
lot of others, why don’t you just remove the child from the store and let them
have their fit in the car or a quite corner where they belong. If you think
reasoning is going to work with a toddler who’s already out of control,
you’re sadly mistaken. For the sake of all that is kind and decent about you,
take your child by the hand, pick the child up if you have to, but remove the
screaming little thing from others' company.
Children need to know the adults in their world are in some
kind of control. I can vividly remember as a child only feeling secure when I
heard my Mom come in. She always knew when I was awake and always asked me why.
For some reason, I never told her I was waiting for her to come home. I felt I
was being a baby about the situation. If I had answered her, I would have said I
feel safe when you’re with me. This is the feeling a child should have when it
come to the adults in their life.
The best
advice I think I can give you, New Mom, is to trust your instincts and maybe
read one or two of the books available on the subject. The best place for this
is your computer if you have one or a library if you don’t.
Good luck
with your wee one, and remember to stop every once in a while and enjoy your
child. Before you know it they will
have grown up on you.
Aunt
Cynthia
Well
that’s about it for this week. Keep those e-mails coming askauntcynthia@storiesbyemail.com
Until then
take care and stay well.
Aunt
Cynthia
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