Taking A Walk In The Real World
Dear Aunt Cynthia,
My husband is making me nuts. He thinks, just because he’s the only one working, I’m living the life of a queen. We have three little ones, under the age of six! You can imagine what a day around here is like. The oldest is in school, but I have a two- and four-year-old to deal with at home. Some days it’s as if I’ve lost my mind, and then he comes home and begins to bitch about everything that isn’t done. I told him I want a house keeper, once a week, to help me keep the cobwebs away. He thought I was joking.
How can I get him to see what it’s like for me around here?
Jamie.
Dear Jamie,
The answer to your dilemma is simple: let him do it for a week, if you can. If you can’t arrange this, then let him have two weekends just for him and the little ones. I think it’s time for some quality Daddy time. I say only two weekends because I’m sure by the end of the second one he will have gotten your point.
I want to go a little further with you, Jamie and ask what it is you do all day. I think if your days are nothing but cleaning and fighting with children, then it’s time to shake things up a bit. Take some time away from the mundane chores of everyday and do something special with your children. It doesn’t have to be a trip outside.
I live in a climate that forces the little ones to spend a lot of time indoors in the winter. I suggest, to the Mom’s that live here, that they try to take an hour or two in their day to play with their children. Simple arts and craft projects are big hits around my house. Story hour is another really popular past time. It’s amazing, with a little creative reading, how long a small child will sit and listen to a good story.
One last suggestion, Jamie: perhaps you could plan your family hour for a time in the evening when Daddy’s home. Let him have some of the fun too.
Hope that helps, Jamie, good luck to you.
Aunt Cynthia
Dear Aunt Cynthia,
Should you forgive your husband for an indiscretion? My husband had an affair last year, and when I found out he ended it right away. He’s been great to me ever since, but I still harbor harsh feelings towards him. My
mother says I should forgive and forget if I want a good man and a good marriage.
I’ve tried to forgive and forget, but I can’t! What should I do Aunt Cynthia? This is causing a lot of trouble between my husband and myself.
Evelyn in Vancouver
Dear Evelyn,
Hello to another fellow Canuck!
You didn’t mention if you’ve tried counseling or not. If you’ve tried counseling and you still feel this way, then perhaps you need to go on your own. It may be you didn’t want to let your feelings out for fear of upsetting your husband. Private counseling would help you let your feelings flow more freely.
Personally I think you don’t have to forgive or forget until you’re ready to. Only you will know when your heart is ready to get back to normal. Anyone who loves you and cares about you should understand it takes time to get over a breech of trust.
If you never get over it, be honest about it. Don’t try to harbor your feelings, and don’t be ashamed about how you feel. You deserve to be happy. Perhaps you’re the type of person who can’t forgive and forget. Perhaps that kind of hurt is too much for you. If this is the case, your husband will simply have to understand. He may not want to understand, but his feelings don’t really count right now. You’re the one that was betrayed, and you’re the only one who will know how you feel and how much you can take.
I hope you understand your husband has to take responsibility for his own actions. He may have strayed for a number of reasons, but that doesn’t excuse what he has done to your relationship. In order to even think of repairing the damage he’s done, he has to take responsibility for what he has done.
I’m not sure if I could stay if my mate was unfaithful. I hope I never have to find out. However I do know that if my mate was unfaithful to me, the one thing I would need is time alone. Then I would try to find out what was in my heart. Then, when I was sure I was in control of my emotions, I would agree to talk only if I was guaranteed no interruptions. Then I would tell my mate what was in my heart. Good or bad your feelings count as much as anyone else’s.
I wish you all the best Evelyn, and by the way tell your dearmMother to wake up and smell the coffee. Her kind of advice is only going to create problems for you.
Aunt Cynthia
Dear Aunt Cynthia,
I’ve been a widow for ten years, and I have discovered I love living alone. My late husband was a cruel, hateful man! He dominated every aspect of my life. Now I’m sixty-three and very active socially. Lately I’ve been getting signals from a very nice man in my neighborhood that tells me he’s interested in me. The problem is if I do go out with him, it would only be for sex. I’ve been missing sex a lot for the last few years.
Should I be ashamed of the way I feel?
Mona in Washington
Dear Mona,
You go girl!
Don’t you dare be ashamed of admitting how you feel. If you hated your husband, well, you hated your husband. There really isn’t any point in trying to pretend you cared about him. He obviously didn’t try to endear himself to you. I won’t ask why you stayed with him that long. I know back then things were very different than they are now.
As for your man troubles, pardon the tongue in cheek, I don’t think there’s a darn thing wrong with wanting a man for sex. Practice safe sex of course but at your age, you know the ropes, so why not swing by them? If you so desire.
Take care Mona and have fun.
Aunt Cynthia
I think that’s enough for today dear readers. Remember to send your problems, questions and or comments tot
askauntcynthia@storiesbyemail.com.
I remain as always
Aunt Cynthia!
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