Parenting Today?
Hi, my name is Shirley, and I was wondering if you could give me some pointers on how to discipline my four-year-old son? He has terrible temper tantrums and screams at the top of his lungs if I put him in his room for a time out. I’m scared my neighbors will think I’m hurting him. But I know I have to keep him in control somehow. I’m just not sure what else to do with him. Can you help us?
Shirley
Dear Shirley,
In one way or the other I have been involved with children all my adult life. I love the little darlings and think they are really underrated. It would be a far happier world if we could link up with our children, in their world, for a little while each day. Give your child an hour of your time every day and watch as your stress level drops. They have a lot to share if we take the time to let them show us.
The problem with being a parent today isn’t the lack of information. It’s actually the excess of information that’s being thrown at parents that’s causing a lot of the confusion. It’s easy to pick up a book and read what your child should be doing and why. It’s easy to find all kinds of information on how to potty train your child, how to discipline your child, and even what stages of development your child should be going through at each age level. It’s easy but it’s also a bunch of baloney, if I may impose my opinion on the subject. I have yet to meet the child that does exactly as the books say. I have yet to meet two children who are even vaguely close to being the same. It just doesn’t happen that way.
What all the self help books on raising your children don’t tell you is these statistics are only a general guide to go by. They are not the bibles of how to raise your children.
As for your little one, there is a variety of things you can do to discipline him. Time out or losing a favorite toy for a day usually works. The important thing is to remember he is only four. To him a ten minute time out will seem like forever.
The most important thing in teaching your child anything is consistency. Don’t threaten and threaten him and then not follow through. If you’re consistent in your actions with him, he will soon learn to behave or face the consequences. It isn’t fair if a parent is threatening and
threatening, only to never follow through. That kind of action only confuses the child and doesn’t give him any set guidelines for his behavior.
If you’re trying to discipline him, and he still isn’t behaving, then perhaps it’s time to ask your pediatrician for help. Make sure medically things are as they should be for him.
I’m sure you’ve probably heard this a few too many times, but most of the negative behaviors a child goes through are phases he will soon grow out of.
I can relate to you’re dilemma Shirley. I know it’s a tough world out there for parents as well as children. We are under a lot of pressure to be successful in life. With success comes long hours of work, daycares, latch key children, and a definite lack of family time available. The fast pace we have set for ourselves takes it toll when it comes to family life. I believe we simply have to understand this is the way the world is going, and we had better be able to keep up. This is the evolution of the family structure, so to speak.
I don’t know if this has been of any help really, but trust me when I say this too will pass.
Good luck dear and take care of that little one; who knows he may be destined for greatness. Many of the world most famous people where a handful as youngsters.
Aunt Cynthia
In closing I would like to
send out a request. I want to hear from any of you who have had a bad run in
with the authorities over your child. Or any of you who have been accused of
abuse unjustly and what came of it. My request comes from helping a friend of
mine who was accused of hurting her child. She managed to prove her innocence
but at the cost of legal fees, and for a year-and-a-half her child was in foster
care. The damage done to this young family is going to be very hard for them to
overcome. Now that all is said and done, I find myself standing here wondering
if this is a problem a lot of families are facing.
So don’t be shy.
Remember, your privacy is assured if you request it.
Send your e-mails to askauntcynthia@storiesbyemail.com.
I remain as always
Aunt Cynthia!
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