Mother-in-Law
Dear Aunt Cynthia,
I’ve just given birth to my first child, a beautiful little
girl. Even though she denies it, my mother-in-law thinks I’m an idiot when it
comes to taking care of my baby. She’s always looking over my shoulder
whenever I’m trying to take care of my child. That wouldn’t be so bad, but
she’s also always correcting me. The other day she came right out and said I
wasn’t holding the baby properly.
I want to tell her to go to hell, but my husband thinks she
just wants to help. My father-in-law died last year, and she’s over here all
the time now. I realize the poor dear is lonely, and I really do love her very
much, but I’m afraid I’m going to lose my temper soon if she doesn’t stop
criticizing me.
Do you have any ideas on how I can handle this situation
without alienating her?
Thank you for your time
Anna in Toronto
Dear Anna,
My heart goes out to you, dear. This is a time in your life
when you should be enjoying your new addition to the family. You shouldn’t
have to fight for your right to be a new mom.
I congratulate you on your control; I’m not so sure I could
be as gracious. This woman has no right to come into your home and be so rude. I
can see how you would think this insults your capabilities as a mother. As
a woman and a mother, I often took advice from my mother. However my mother was
an exceptional lady. She never steered me wrong and always made me feel as if I
was a good mom. Even when mom was correcting me, she would make me feel as if I
had come up with the idea. I never hesitated to turn to my mom for help, but
I’m sure I wouldn’t have if she had displayed the same kind of attitude as
your mother-in-law.
Perhaps this is simply a question of miscommunication. Is it
possible your mother-in-law doesn’t realize she seems critical? Is she
normally an abrupt person? Did she boss your father-in-law around? Is she the
queen bee of her home? If she is this way at home or with the people she loves,
then it’s only natural she thinks she can be that way with you. It depends how
you look at it, but in some ways you should feel flattered; the way she is with
you says she accepts you as family. That’s kind of nice, if you ask me.
The bottom line on this is simply how much you want to put up
with. If you decide you can put up with her ways, then just accept her as she is
and be done with it. If, however, you simply can’t stand the way she is with
you, then you need to have a little talk with the lady. Be gentle but firm. Let
her know you appreciate her advice but feel she’s trying to take over your
hive. Explain the queen bee theory to her. I’m sure she’ll get the point. My
daughter and I have run our homes on this theory, and so far we are very happy
with the way it works.
I have to add that if, after all is said and done, your dear
old mother–in-law still insists on being a pain, and then you can tell her to
go to hell!
Good luck dear I sure hope this helps.
Aunt Cynthia
Well that’s about it for now remember to e-mail me at askauntcynthia@storiesbyemail.com
Aunt Cynthia
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