Guide Them With A Gentle Hand
Dear Aunt Cynthia,
Hi my name is Shannon; I live in Ontario, Canada.
I have a three-year-old who will not listen to anything I say
to her. When I get after her for being bad, she just looks at me and laughs. I
hate to admit it, but I’ve even had to spank her a couple of times (when she
was in danger of getting hurt). That too fell on deaf ears.
Is there some way I get some control over this situation?
I’m really beginning to run out of steam. Generally she’s really a good
child, but when she decides to do something—even if it’s not a good thing—she
will go ahead and try do it, or at least drive me nuts trying to do it.
My husband drives truck, and he’s not home very much right
now. He says she’ll grow out of it, but I worry that she may hurt herself being
so stubborn.
Any suggestions?
Thanks and keep up the good work.
Shannon
Dear Shannon,
Yep you have a problem all right, and your husband is right,
she will grow out of it. However that doesn’t save your sanity or keep her
from getting hurt right now. My opinion of the situation is this; you have to
have control in order to have peace and safety in your home. So waiting until
she grows out of it simply isn’t an option. It makes me nuts to hear someone
say, "don’t worry they’ll grow out of it." What a dumb-ass attitude that
is. Yes children have phases they go through. When it comes to safety and
running a loving and learning home, Mom and Dad are the ones who should be in
total control.
I’m not saying run your house like a military camp. What I
am saying is the adults are the ones who should be in control at all times.
Anything less can be dangerous if not disruptive. I can only imagine what bed
time is like around your home.
Now that I’m done lecturing, here’s what I would do, if I
was in your position. Take your little angel by her sweet little hand and march
her to her room. Each and every time she misbehaves repeat the process. Do not
yell at her! Do not hit or shake her! Keep in mind how much you love your child.
When you have her in her room sit her on her bed, and tell her there will be no
TV or play time until she behaves. Be prepared to spend some time getting your
point across.
This method has been tried and proven true through out the
ages. It requires a great deal of consistency and patience on the part of the
parents. The long term effects from this method is a parent or parents who
don’t yell and hurt their children. A child who comes to understand she has
basic rules to follow and parents who care enough to teach her that with gentle
loving hands.
I understand perfectly how hard it is to raise a child. I
understand how much easier it is to maintain control if your children are afraid
of you. I also understand that children who are raised by hurtful angry words and
actions become hurtful angry adults. These adults think the only way to gain
control is to be hurtful and harsh. I call this life’s linked fence. Only when
you change the pattern does the link break, and a well-adjusted adult emerges,
ready to handle all the things life has to give out.
These adults, oddly enough, also tend to become loving, caring, devoted
parents, who raise loving caring children…
I know it's one thing to understand how this works and another
to actually get it to work for you. My best advice to you is to just keep on
trying. Eventually she will realize Mom or Dad isn’t kidding. If she’s like
any child I’ve ever met, she’ll want to watch her shows and play with her
toys. Once the point is made, you will find her time-outs will be less and less.
The only other advice I can give you is try to pick and chose
your battles. Make sure the issues you go to war on are important ones.
Good luck Shannon!
Aunt Cynthia
Well that’s enough for this week. Be sure to keep your e-mails coming to askauntcynthia@storiesbyemail.com.
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