Family Planning
This week I want to read to you a few of the e-mails I get concerning family planning and the need to communicate your wishes before taking the big step down the
aisle.
Dear Aunt Cynthia,
I was wondering if you could help us. My wife and I are arguing about when is the right time to wean an infant. She claims it's perfectly normal for a two year old to still have a bottle. I think at a year and a half we should be considering weaning. Our baby isn't due until February but we are trying to iron out some of the kinks before the arrival. Can you tell us who's right, please?
Jason in Canada
Dear Jason,
Congratulations you get an ‘A’ plus, both of you! Sitting down and working on the hard stuff before it’s a reality shows a maturity that will serve you well. You will definitely have a leg up when it comes to raising your children. Communicating early on will keep you untied when it comes to more serious decisions you will have to make in the years to come.
As for when to wean your infant, there are a lot of opinions on this one. Since you asked me, I’ll give you my take on this one. There really isn’t a firm yes or no answer. In my experience with children there will never be two that are identical. Some babies hang on to the bottle longer than others and some walk or talk sooner. It just depends on the child. That’s what makes them such amazing little creatures.
I believe that by the age of two you should be seriously looking at weaning your child. If you see an indifference to the bottle sooner than that by all means go ahead and wean your child. By the age of two I think you should be at least down to a bottle at bed and nap times only.
I think you will be the kind of parents who pay attention to your child and their needs. You will know when the time is right for your child.
I wish you all the best for you and your bundle of joy.
Aunt Cynthia.
This next e-mail is the kind I like to call short but not so sweet.
Dear Aunt Cynthia,
Hi there. I was wondering, can you explain why women think they have to change a guy as soon as
they're married?
Confused!
Dear Confused,
It sounds to me that perhaps you and your mate should seek outside help. I hate coming across as a family counseling pusher, but there really are times a couple needs to get an outside opinion. I think this is one of them. I shall tell you why and let you decide for yourself.
If you have just married, and she’s already trying to change you, there can be two problems. You may have some really annoying habits she is just becoming aware of. If that’s the case it’s up to you to try to become more housebroken. (So to speak)
If she’s trying to change things that have been all right up to this point, I think you have a serious problem. She married you believing she could and would change you. These are two of the dumbest reason to marry someone and always end up in disaster. Usually you can find the victims in family court fighting over money and possessions.
The only way you’ll find out is to ask her. She’s the only one who knows for sure.
Good luck Confused. I hope that helps a bit.
Aunt Cynthia
This next e-mail is a statement on the way things are going for our young adults these days. We (the parents) need to extend an understanding hand to our youth and some sharp words of encouragement wouldn’t hurt either. There’s a lot of pressure to succeed in this busy world, and I believe we are pushing our young out of the nest in a far too hurried manner.
Dear Aunt Cynthia,
My fifteen yr old is smoking, and not just regular cigarettes. I believe she's into drugs, but every time I ask her, we get into an awful fight and she walks out. Is there a better way to handle this without the controversy?
Desperate Mom!
Dearest Desperate,
I can fully appreciate your concerns, and I definitely sympathize with your dilemma, but have heart. Statistically young adults are going to try a horrible variety of things before they reach maturity. That’s not to say any of it is right or good for them, but they will try it.
I suggest you first do some research and be well prepared with the info on drugs. Then try to sit down with your daughter. Here is where I’m going to stick my neck out and ask you to try something for me. Sit across from her and ask her to tell you why she’s trying drugs. Don’t make it an accusation or demand anything from her. Let her know the door is open for her to talk to you and that you are concerned about her, but above all else don’t go to the attack.
You’ll never get a child to talk to you if you attack. All you’re going to get is silence and resentment. Putting it down as a discussion not only lets her know you’re past the accusing stage of this and want to know what’s really going on with her. You are also saying you care enough and respect her enough to actually talk to her as an adult.
This won’t make the problem magically go away, but it may instill enough faith in your child that she will turn to you when she needs to. There are going to be many times she will be tempted to walk on the wild
side; it’s all part of growing up. Personally I fear for our youth of today. I believe we are pushing them so hard to succeed, and we’re forgetting at times just how vulnerable they are.
Keep your chin up Mom, and keep the door open for her to communicate her needs to you. As long as she can come to you with her problems and not be judged by you, then she will continue to turn to you. This isn’t to say she will always stay out of trouble, and there isn’t a guarantee she will stay away from the drugs, but it’s a start.
I wish you all the best,
Aunt Cynthia
Well ladies and gentlemen, I think that’s about it for this week. I hope this has been of some help. Keep those e-mails coming! I’ll do what I can to help. Remember you can reach me at
askauntcynthia@storiesbyemail.com.
Until then I remain as always your Aunt Cynthia!
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