Family Dynamics
Hi everyone. This week I thought we could spend a little time dealing with a really important issue: family dynamics. This is an issue that often falls by the
wayside in the all too busy world of today. We forget that families are a very important part of all societies. The following e-mails point to some problems brewing on the home front.
Dear Aunt Cynthia,
My Mom and I are having a big fight about my boyfriend. She says he's too old for me and is more suited to my older sister. (I'm seventeen and she's nineteen) My sister has begun making moves on him when he comes over. When I complain, my Mom says that’s okay, and that's just the way sisters are. I say it's not fair I was going out with him first so she should leave him alone. Can you help?
Amy
My dearest Amy,
I have to say I’m a little concerned about your Mom. Why hasn’t she pointed out to you that boyfriends will come and go but you will be sisters forever? This may not be the last time you both like the same man. Now is the time to lay some ground rules. If you don’t lay down some rules, or you don’t abide by them, you will some day find that your relationship with your sister is damaged forever.
I want to know if anyone has talked to the man in question. It sounds to me like you’re discussing an inanimate object rather than a person. He probably has a thing or two to say on the subject. Since you’re the one he’s dating, then it’s probably safe to say his preference is for you. I would, however, make it very clear to your sister he is off bounds.
I don’t know what kind of relationship you and your sister have, but a good chit-chat would definitely improve things between you. As for your Mom, maybe it’s high time you all sat down and rediscovered what family love is really all about.
I wish you the best Amy
Aunt Cynthia
Dear Aunt Cynthia,
I am the proud Mommy of a six-month-old boy. He is a wonderful baby, and I love spending as much time as I can with him. The problem is my Mother-in-law thinks I'm an imbecile when it comes to caring for him or my husband. She has my husband convinced he has to call her at the drop of a hat. When I complain, he says I should take her advice and be grateful for it. I want to tell her to take her advice and put it somewhere else!
This is causing some definite waves between him and I. Do you think I should relent to her wishes?
Fed up Emily
Dear Emily,
Oh you poor thing; you have Mother-in-Law Syndrome! Don’t despair Emily; there is hope. This is a problem women have shared since the beginning of time. So at least you’re in good company. I have a list of suggestions for you. You can pick the one that is best suited to you. I have also taken the liberty of including a few things you really shouldn’t do to your Mother-in-Law.
You could sit down and talk to her. Remember she is a woman, wife and mother also. She may have some great things to pass on to you. I think if the two of you can talk about things, then you should have no problem laying down some ground rules. You can explain that you respect her and you want to be able to come to her for advice. Make it clear to her that you will ask when you need help.
If you feel you can’t talk to your mother-in-law, then perhaps your husband could drop a hint or two to her about the problem. It really doesn’t sound like your husband is siding with you on this one, however. Perhaps you should sit down and tell him how you’re feeling. If he isn’t going to help you, then tell him not to hinder. Sometimes it’s hard for men to cut the apron strings, but I’m a firm believer for better or worse means you’re on each other’s side no matter what. I’m not saying ‘Mom’ doesn’t have some very good advice to give you, but advice is only good when it’s wanted.
You could try to ignore her for a while and see how things come out. She may be just overly enthusiastic about the little one. Being a grandmother is a really wonderful time in a woman’s life. She is finally able to relax and enjoy the babies in her life. If you can stand it and she’s not doing any harm, you could let her run amuck until she finally runs out of steam. However if you really are at your breaking point I think it’s perfectly all right for you to tell her how you feel. Be kind and be gentle, but be direct too. You don’t want any misunderstandings.
Do not ban your mother-in-law from your house. This may give you momentary peace, but it will only last for a short time. It would also cause even more problems between you and your spouse.
Basically Emily, you cannot strangle, maim, abuse, torture or be unusually cruel to your Mother-in- Law. There are laws against such things.
I don’t know why, Emily, but I get the feeling you and your mother-in-law will have a good relationship in the future. Perhaps it’s because you took the time to ask for help rather than just remain resentful of her. I’ve met people who will hang on to a problem rather than air it out. It seems almost as if they like the conflict. Those kinds of people are never really happy in any aspect of their lives.
I believe you will be happy Emily. I believe that, because you’re the kind of person who tries to make things better, you will make a difference. So good luck to you Emily, I wish you all the best.
Aunt Cynthia.
This next e-mail deals with a subject I have discussed already but perhaps I need to be a bit clearer in my response.
Dear Aunt Cynthia,
In the introduction to your column, "Ask Aunt Cynthia," you write, "I will never claim to be an expert about any one thing in life. I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist. I have never submitted a doctrine, nor have I written a thesis." What qualifies you to advise people about anything, and why should anyone read your advice?
Dear Unknown critic,
Since I have already stated why I am what I am, I thought I should send you this message.
If you haven’t taken the time to read my work in the archives yet, please do. I personally like to know about my author before I read the book.
If, after all is said and done, you still don’t think I should be giving advice, please don’t be concerned. The answer is simple, in this case. Just don’t read my work! As I have stated before: if you don’t like the movie reviews, don’t buy a ticket.
I hope this answers this question for you and have a nice day!
Aunt Cynthia
I think that’s it for now, ladies and gentlemen. Remember to send your e-mails to
askauntcynthia@storiesbyemail.com.
©2003 StoriesByEmail.com
|
