Baby Brother
Dear Aunt Cynthia,
Two weeks ago my baby brother, who is 23, came to visit my husband and I. We have no children, yet we’re both in our thirties, so we welcomed the company.
It turns out his visit wasn’t really a visit. It was more of a case of he needed a place to stay. He has been fired from his last job and is looking for work.
I don’t mind him staying. He’s not noisy or any real trouble. My husband says he can stay a month, then he has to go find a new place to live. I feel being good Christians we have an obligation to help him as long as he needs us. That and the fact I am his sister makes me feel obliged to him.
What do you think we should do? My husband and I have a good relationship and don’t hesitate to tell each other how we feel about things. This problem however has caused a couple of heated discussions between us, and I don’t want this situation to turn into hard feelings between us.
Thanks for your time.
Sandra in Washington
Dear Sandra,
Baby brothers, ah the love we have for our baby brothers! I have many brothers, five in all, and each and every one of them has his special place in my heart. When my Mom passed away, the youngest brother (hi Phil) was only seventeen, so I really do understand when I say I know how you want to care for your younger brother.
There comes a time however when even if it hurts us, we have to let them grow up. I’m not saying don’t help him. By all means give him some time to get on his feet, but you have to set some boundaries. Perhaps you and your husband can sit down alone first to iron out some of your expectations, and then all three of you can sit down and discuss what’s going on with all of you. Don’t forget he has his own agenda too. It may turn out he is just as anxious to get out on his own as you are for him to go.
In the meantime it is only proper he pays his own way. He needs to be responsible for himself, and if you let him depend on you for finances too, he will never grow up. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but I know realistically we do no favors for the ones we love if we don’t teach them how to stand on their own.
If nothing else I think a meeting would at least clear the air and make you all feel better.
Good luck to you Sandra and take good care of each other.
Aunt Cynthia.
Well it’s a short one this week but keep the emails coming. I’m always available at askauntcynthia@storiesbyemail.com.
Bye for now!
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