Ask Aunt Cynthia
by Cynthia McCaffrey

Ask Grandma becomes Ask Aunt Cynthia

Dear Readers,

Paulette ErkenBrack has decided to discontinue writing her Ask Grandma column, effective immediately. Fortunately, Cynthia McCaffrey has agreed to take up the challenge and continue the ezine. Like Grandma P, Aunt Cynthia is also a grandmother. However, she decided to change the title of the ezine out of respect for Ms. ErkenBrack. You can write to Aunt Cynthia at auntcynthia@storiesbyemail.com, and she will be happy to share her wisdom and insights into your problems with you. 

Walt Thiessen, Publisher
Stories By Email

Hello to all of you and welcome to my world! Thank you for joining me. My name is Cynthia, and I am here to answer your questions and hopefully help with your problems. My name (Cynthia) is Greek, although I’m Irish. (Green eyes and all). The name means, ‘The virgin Goddess of the hunt, and the moon; daughter of the Leto & twin sister to Apollo...." Blah, blah, blah. My Mother told me I was named after an Aunt I have never met. As for me, well I just really like my name, it’s that simple.

Basically that’s the kind of person I am. I like the things around me to be as simple and basic as possible. I don’t live in the dark ages. I have a computer, four TV’s, which are always on, and just about every creature comfort you can imagine. Some I really don’t even need, but I have them any way.

If you asked me, I’d say I believe the world, on the whole, is a pretty good place to live in. And I believe human beings will overcomplicate darn near everything they can. So I try hard to always be straight forward and honest when it comes to dealing with people. Whenever I can I try to simplify things. It’s my way of keeping my little corner of the world a little less cluttered. And a little more on the fun side of things.

I am a born caretaker. Personally, I love who I am and what I am, and I love my life. I also believe we are born to our stations in life. It saddens me when I see how many people aren’t happy with whom they are. I don’t think there is any excuse for not changing the things that make you unhappy. That opinion isn’t popular but it is what I believe. You will learn through time that I have a way of looking at life that is just a wee bit off from the norm. I’m a bit critical, but I try to be gentle when delivering the criticism. I hate hurting anyone’s feelings.

I also believe there is hope for the human race. I believe we are in the infancy stages of an amazing time. The world is changing at an astonishing rate, and the human race is evolving right along with it. Some of us aren’t really happy with the way things are changing but basically that’s too bad for them. It’s going to happen no matter how we feel about it. Our best bet is to remember what happened to the poor old dinosaurs!

You will also learn (if you haven’t seen it by now) that I am in no way ever afraid to voice my opinion. If I think it’s worth saying I will say it. If I’m asked my opinion I’ll give it, but cautiously so. I am also one of the most compassionate and honest people I know. As you can tell,  my ego could use some work.

All kidding aside, I do care very much about what is going on in the world. And I care very much what is happening in the relationships of today. Just like the rest of the world, the relationships of today are going through an evolution. Dates more and more are being held in chat rooms rather than bars. Therefore there is a whole new set of rules to the wonderful world of adult entertainment.

People are using much more caution in dealing with peers. For example, “Have you been tested?” It wasn’t long ago that kind of question would have been considered really rude. It may have even gotten you a smack. Today’s world however dictates that you’re a fool if you don’t ask the questions. Safety first is the quote of the day, everyday!

I will never claim to be an expert about any one thing in life. I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist. I have never submitted a doctrine, nor have I written a thesis. My work to this point consists of three books, Back to Basics for Men and Back to Basics for Women and the last one, I fondly call Cyber-Sex 101. My work is truly a labor of love. I don’t expect to get rich, and that’s okay by me. As long as I love it and as long as I am able, I will write, for this is the way it is meant to be for me.

I care deeply about what’s going on with our children. This issue is very important to me. The rules on parenting have changed drastically. Yet (in my opinion) there’s very little help out there for the average person today. I’m sure today’s parents find themselves with some really tough questions and not a lot of logical answers. Society dictates to us we should be patient, understanding, nurturing, parents. This is exactly what most parents want to be. But in the fast tempo world of today where do you turn when things aren’t working the way they should?

My outlook on the situation is such. If you add it up, the average person works eight hours a day. There’s time spent going to and from work, dropping off and picking the little ones at daycare, preparing dinner, eating, bathing, telling bedtime stories, etc., etc. Weekends are generally spent doing household chores, shopping, yard work, etc., etc., etc. There isn’t a lot of time left in your day. Like I said, I’m not an expert on any one thing, but I do know there is a lot of pressure put on today’s parents. And not a lot of places to reach out to for relief.

So if you’re having problems, with your children, your family, your friends, your spouse or your co-workers, your peers, etc., just drop me a line. Sometimes it helps to have a fresh point of view. And sometimes it helps to hear a different point of view. Of course it always feels good to vent. That’s where I come in. My name is Aunt Cynthia, and as I said, I really do care!

The following are a couple of problems my readers have been kind enough to send me.

Dear Aunt Cynthia,

I have a next door neighbor who is in her fifties. She’s a very nice lady and I know she only means well. But she comes over for coffee she takes charge of my children as soon as she sits down. I have two year old twin girls and a six year old son. I know she only wants to help and I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I worry that she will take over completely. Is there a tactful way to approach this?

Emily from Virginia.

My dearest Emily,

Don’t fret my friend! What you’re feeling is completely justified and natural. A Mother never wants another woman governing her children. You weren’t really clear if this is already a problem or is it a problem you see happening in the future? So I will tackle both scenarios.

If this is a problem you see happening in the future I would say there’s a very easy, tasteful and fair way to go about things. Talk to the woman! You say she is nice so perhaps she simply thinks you have your hands full and could use some help. If this is the case don’t be shy about letting her know what you need help with. Don’t forget good help is hard to find.

If you feel you really don’t need help then tell her that too. Perhaps she would enjoy just putting her feet up while she visits. But don’t sell friendship short. A true friend is always there to help and a true friend is always willing to say when they need help. It doesn’t affect your capabilities as a Mother to accept another’s help.

If this problem with your neighbor is happening already then my vote goes for a sit down talk with the lady. She may not be aware that you are bothered by what she’s doing She may not even know she does it.

Some women are plain old bossy and need to be checked as soon as they start pushing their weight around in your home. But the fact you like this woman tells me she isn’t the bossy kind. So be honest and be gentle but above all be clear when you talk to your friend about this. If she takes no offence you should have a long and happy friendship with her.

I hope this helps Emily and good luck to you.

Aunt Cynthia.

Jack from Seattle writes.

Dear Aunt Cynthia,

My wife and I have had twenty years of marriage together. Basically we’ve been happy but in the last few years we’ve drifted apart, the way couples will do. Three months ago I met a woman at work and we started having an affair right away. The woman at work and I get along great but I can’t handle the guilt. How do I tell my wife about this? I’ve decided I have to come clean. I know she will probably leave me and I don’t know if that’s what I want either.

He signs it ‘Confused in Seattle’

Dear Jack,

Oh boy you’ve bitten off a big bite haven’t you? I’m afraid if it’s sympathy you’re looking for you’ve written to the wrong Aunt! I will however give you a break and skip the lecture on fidelity.

Jack, you never mentioned if you still love your wife or not. I’m gambling that you do. If you don’t then you’re just using the poor woman and you know she deserves better than that. Don’t you?

Talk to your wife, Jack! Talk to her and get ready for whatever may come your way. If you do love her, shame on you, you’ve been very selfish. Get down on your knees and beg for forgiveness, if you have to. And if she leaves you then that’s the chances you take when you cheat on your mate. But if she finds out by accident she will hate you, Jack. And she will never get over that kind of pain. Deception is one thing but deception to cover a deception is a very dangerous way to go.

By the way Jack, I was wondering if you ever took the time to find out why your marriage had become distant. If it isn’t too late perhaps now would be a good time to deal with that issue, too. It may turn out your wife feels the same way you do; she just hasn’t acted on it. Lets face it Jack you didn’t drift apart alone. Talk to the woman!

I wish you well Jack. Please let me know how it turns out for you.

Aunt Cynthia.

Paul from Fargo writes,

Dear Aunt Cynthia,

My girlfriend and I are having an argument. Can you help please?

Two months ago we discovered she was pregnant with our first child. We planned on getting married at the end of this year but now she says she wants to wait until the baby comes. We were going to have a big wedding. Her Dad is paying for all the expenses, which I appreciate very much. So I thought we could compromise.

I wanted to have a small ceremony before our child comes into this world and then a big wedding later if she still wants it. But she claims the big wedding won’t be the same if we have already gotten married in a small ceremony. And I see her point. But I feel very strongly we should be married before the birth. It’s a moral point in my mind.

I don’t want to offend her father by having the small ceremony. Her father is a nice guy and loves his daughter very much. He has already made it clear he will abide by her decision.

We’re at a stale mate on the subject and things are getting heated when we try to talk about it. How should we handle this? We have to come to a decision soon?

Dear Paul,

I’m not sure why the confusion. The way I see it you gave up you right to moral indignity when you and your fiancé decided to sleep together. I don’t have an opinion on the moralities of living together. I think that’s a personal decision. But frankly I think you’re hung up on what you want and not what’s best for everyone concerned. If your fiancé wants to wait until after the baby arrives, perhaps it’s because being pregnant will take away from her special day. Being a woman I can understand how she may feel.

Come on Paul, its one day in what will hopefully be a long life together. Look at it this way. If you have the large wedding you’ll be making the woman you love very happy. And you will be practicing something that all good relationships should have; it’s called give and take.

I hope this helps.

Aunt Cynthia

Well that’s it for this week, ladies and gentlemen. If you have a problem or question please feel free to e-mail me auntcynthia@storiesbyemail.com.

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